I...I think it's molting!

What, you didn’t think I was gonna shut down this virtual palace of sleaze without a pornified parting shot image, did ya?

Heh, come on, by now you have got to know me better than that!

But yes, you did read that first part right. This dive is now officially closed. I will check in on comments and all, but yep, this place? It’s been condemned. Too much blood and body parts scattered around- mine and other peoples.

Nah, I am not deleting it because sure enough, I think some important things were said here, and nah, I am not quitting the Internetz.

But I am moving, and moving on, and moving away from a lot of things that have made me about as pleasant to be around as Genghis Khan on a three month bender.

You can, if you are so inclined, now find me and my new dive here. I can’t erase the past (nor would I want to really), but I can start over in some sense of the word, so that is what I am doing.

Update your blogrolls if you feel so inclined…

And remember… brutes rule, the Joker is the most well done comic villain ever, porn is what you make it, Dean Winchester is way Cooler than Sam, Cyborgs are HOT, and sex workers are people too.

See you in Cartoons-Ren

The film from my eyes

I love that picture. Love, love, love it. One of my all time favorites really. I use it for lots of things, there is a vibe to it that just says something to me, speaks in some way. It’s of a character of mine from an ongoing fictional series, and it is for me, personally, one of the best things I’ve done. I don’t care if other folk like it or not, I love it. So, I decided to use it here because yep, sure enough, it speaks to me. Maybe even for me in some ways on some levels in some circumstances.

You know what? I don’t want or expect an apology out of some people. Never have, never will. Some folk just cannot do that, or bog down their half assed attempts with so many stunning qualifications that in the end it really means shit. Less than shit actually. I don’t want people’s sympathy or bullshit or whatever else. What I want, and will never, ever, ever get is for some people Who Have Done Wrong To Just Admit It. They don’t have to be fucking sorry, they just have to say, “Yeah, I did that, I admit it. I lied, I threatened, I did it.” But it will never happen. Shit, even people who can bring themselves to, in an obtuse way, admit that wrong was done unto me and others make sure to qualify it with what a seething horrible crazy person I am and make the whole goddamn thing my fault. You know, like I deserve to be threatened and lied about, and anyone who had nothing to do with anything (aka the other Miriam), well gee, side casualty and all. Heh. The slut deserved it. Hummm. And you know, sure enough, I find that whole oh, we’re victims, or not, but standing near victims, therefore we are never wrong and can never own up to our own shit behavior and admit we have done wrong and have done harm fucking pathetic.

Why the hell should I, or anyone else, care about people who cannot even do that? Admit when they are wrong and admit they have done some shady shit? I don’t give fuck if you hand out donuts to the homeless and do not eat meat or wear leather…if you cannot, in all your glorious arrogance and superiority, admit that you have done something wrong…well then, assholes, I ain’t the only lunatic in the asylum. Even I, violently insane asshole of the universe or whatever, can and have admitted when I was wrong, even to people I do not like. It’s not that hard really. If you know you’ve done something wrong, something way off the fucking charts like threatening people, even people who were no part of the disputes of the past and present, or that you have lied out right, and you cannot bring yourself to say so…because so much of everything you are is tied up in being right and being better than whomever….there is really something wrong there. And yeah, you can call me mean and vile and sociopathic all you fucking want…it does not change the fact that wrong was done, and you just can’t bring yourself to say it because you have to be better, right, you have to win….yet of course maintain your poor beset upon victim status. Heh. And I’m the crazy vicious one with issues? Well, at least I am not alone there.

So yeah, when shit like this rears its ugly head and some folk just can’t even fucking admit it, well, when other people I generally like or do not hold a lot of serious animosity towards say things like “can’t we get along, agree to disagree”, or, my favorite, “don’t you see, this is us doing the men’s work for them, fighting and dividing ourselves” I have to roll my eyes, smirk, and spit. No, we can’t all fucking get along. I tried to agree to disagree, and with some people that works, and with others it fucking blows, because some people are always supposed to take it while others dish it out. And no, it is not the fucking men doing it. It has not been the men doing the threatening here, or the lying, or the refusal to see wrong staring them in the face, or the failure to call it out without a million qualifications. Fuck that noise- with a tire iron. No man forced a certain radical feminist to threaten me. No man forced a certain radical feminist to threaten and scare the shit out of an innocent bystander while thinking she was threatening me. No man forced a couple of radical feminists to lie- blatantly and out right- about me. And no man continues to force personal attacks upon myself and anyone else who does not agree with Radical Feminists. Just like no man is forcing me to say anything I’ve said. This is not about the goddamn men. And saying it is? Always and forever? Well, nice freakin’ way to totally absolve women of any goddamn responsibility for any of their actions and essentially make them children- which does not sound too feminist at all to me…and it never has. Does pack mentality, safety in numbers, just the sheer joy of venting and vitriol make it easier? Sure it does. But at the end of the day, if you threaten or lie about someone, the person responsible for that is you. Not the system, not the Patriarchy, not men, not capitalism…YOU. And I am fuck-all sick of people throwing out a thousand excuses to absolve shitty behavior because that shitty behavior was undertaken by women who cannot even fucking admit it was shitty! If that is feminism, keep it, and god, goddess and all the little deities save us all.

Oh, but I know, I am mean and nasty and a scumbag and countless other vile things blah blah blah whatever, right? I am some horrible pro-porny sociopath who does not care about blah blah blah blah, right? First, whatever. If that’s what you think, that is what you think, and no amount of anything said to the contrary will ever change your minds. Still does not excuse this bullshit, and it never will. The freakin’ Orwellian nature of so much of this shit blows my mind. It’s fuckin’ scary, and when a scary person like me says that…damn.

And yep, sure enough, as you might be able to tell, this shit pisses me off. A lot. And yeah, I would like for someone to just fucking admit they were WRONG…but I am grimly secure in the knowledge that will never happen.

That sorta thing? It affects a gal. Indeedy it does. That said, I might be done with lying, threatening asshole pricks who expect the world to worship and feel sorry for their oh so hurt asses and are convinced they can do no wrong….mayhaps one day they will share a room with me at the asylum. In the mean time….

Oh yes…

I have other shit to do.

Sometimes I hate being proven Right...

Okay then...read this first.

The latest is due to CERTAIN rad fems taking issue with ND asking for proof and then me providing it, ND was told NOT TO DO THAT and my comments addressing the issue were removed...and all sorts of folk, from Delphyne to Faith to Buggle came out of the woodwork to say how wrong it was for her to ask such a thing and then allow me to PROVE that I was threatend and that lies had happened...oh yeah, and call me and other folk "vicious lunatics" and other assorted shit while tut-tutting ND for allowing me to make such personal attacks (of which, there were none, merely the linked proof she asked for) upon rad fems.

TYPICAL.

And people wonder why I hate people? Why I am on occassion very, very mean to sections of the online Radical Feminists and well, yep, pretty much hate them too? Well gee, I wonder, real head scratcher there, eh? They whine about silencing, then attempt (and I stress attempt) to engage in it themselves. They whine about being attacked and called names, then do the same damn thing to other people. They accuse other people of lying about them and threatening them, yet cannot prove that, but oh gee, when their lies and threats are out there- In Their Own Goddamn Words and Spaces- and they are pointed out? OMG, they are the VICTIMS. And then they fucking go off saying how "unsafe" everything is because, oh gee...the ugly truth about their own behavior has been brought- via request- to the table.

So yes...Radical Feminism, at least as personified by some of these people, is harmful. Provable Lies, actual threats, attempted silencing, group bullying tactics, intimidation, the works. They have engaged in it all...against other women...who disagree with them. Gee. Harmful.

Maybe if they did not want this shit to be remembered, they never should have lied and threatened in the first place. You know what....this sort of reminds me of something....

It reminds me when certain guilty defendants use the character and bad behavior of the person they attacked in order to smear their character enough to get off a charge even when they are stone cold guilty of it. But add the crime of jury tampering and intimidation to that.

Bravo, you fucking assholes.

Jill, don't bother telling your story over there, I am sure you will just get deleted and slammed and called names too.

Ancient History....

It’s funny, in that sick sense of humor way really. I was asked yesterday to “prove” that I had been harmed by radical feminists in some way. So, you know, when asked for proof, I make an attempt to provide it. Which is ironic, as I ask for proof all the goddamn time from people and never get it, but anyway, that is just the way I roll. When someone asks me to provide proof for a claim I have made- I’ll do so, because I am one of those people who remembers threats, lies and slights forever and generally keeps track of where all the bodies are buried.

So yeah, anyway, I was asked to provide proof of how I’ve personally been adversely affected by radical feminists. So I cited the threat made to me by Stormy, and the accusation that I had infiltraited/hacked/whatevered Genderberg and the ensuing drama. To make sure I had my shit in a row on all that…I re-read it. All of it. Every last bit. You know, all the accusations of me being all kinds of things: the occasional assertion that I might be a man or a marketing front, repeatedly being called a liar, the assumption or two that I was not actually a sex worker, a shit ton of half baked accusatory barbs, the endless, and I mean endless, cracks about me being insane…so on so forth…and of course, in the Mega Thread, where I originally went merely to defend someone who had undergone a falling out with the online Rad Fem posse- was blackmailed into a treaty and even once I (begrudgingly) complied with it, I continued to get unloaded on by a ton of people…called all sorts of shit and was, yep, just supposed to take it. And that shit still flies, the whole I am a lying scumbag who is completely violently insane so on and so forth. How one violent statement I made –when there are others made by that crowd- is never forgotten (and endlessly taken out of context), yet theirs are never mentioned. And you know, every time I ask for proof on anything, as in, what are my legendary lies, where have I ever insulted a feminist about her looks, how can one prove I attempted to join or infiltrate Genderberg, so on, so forth….there are never any answers. Ever. No proof at all. Just more accusations and bullshit, more piss and wind. Hell, I get accused of saying and doing shit I did not even do, and when I ask for proof on that- none there either. Yet I am the one asked to prove everything…which hey, I can do, and I don’t mind doing it, but….

…yeah, let’s examine that for a minute. Let’s talk about harm. I remember how pissed off I was when all that happened. I also remember I was scared. Not so much for me, shit, I’ve been outted before, and nah, it wasn’t pleasant but it did not kill me, but for other people I care about. I was pretty certain in her quest to shut me up Stormy would not mind racking up a few incidental casualties. After all, in writings prior to here I had used the real first name of my S.O and various friends and places I liked to go. Naïve of me, sure…then again, I did not actually ever expect to get threatened by a Feminist. I lost sleep over that threat thing. Stressed about it. As did Mr.E. I got angry and my already somewhat notable dislike of humans increased a bit further. And it did turn out that in some people’s hate on for me, other people did get hurt…like the other Miriam for instance. Yet I am still the vicious sociopathic liar. Me, the one who can prove other people have lied yet there is not one iota of proof to the contrary from the other side. Me. I am the dishonest one. You know, that is harmful too. It sure as shit bothers me. I’ve had things that have happened to me in my life (a bad night of work and a broken nose come to mind) twisted by other people and used for an agenda…hell, wrt the nose, I got punched in the face and it was broken by a woman yet someone out there decided to tell others that it had happened to me on the job whilst stripping. So yeah, lets talk about dishonest. Let’s talk about intentionally vicious. You think that upset me or bothered me? Well, hell yes, as a matter of fact it did.

I mean, for fucksake, I have seen a lot of lying and twisting of the truth done here in blog world…not done by me. And yeah, when asked, I can prove it…but when I get accused and ask for proof in return…there is none. It does not exist, because I am not the liar.

Where is the examination on that phenomena, I’d like to know. I mean sure, it is a great tactic to demonize one’s enemy, but such things are harmful. And what pisses me off even more is all this shitty behavior- and sure enough, I have said some shitty things and I admit it- has been glossed over. Why is that, I wonder? Why is it okay to throw tons of baseless accusations at someone, lie and threaten while doing it- back nothing up with proof, then wash/rinse/repeat when the supposedly so dishonest party calls the bullshit down and can back up their side of the story with…proof.

That sort of behavior is harmful. I’d know, because I’ve been harmed by it.

Sure enough, I may not be the most likable person in the world (understatement). I may support positions and things other people loathe. I may be abrasive and hostile and anti-social and grim. I may have a really, really shitty temper and swear a lot. All of that can be proven, and I will admit to it. No proof needed. I am not asking for people to “like me”…chances are that would make me feel slimy and I sure as hell would not like them back. What I am asking for is some fucking proof to support a lot of these goddamn accusations, or for people to shut the fuck up and stop making shit up and actually stick to legitimate reasons to hate my guts rather than resorting to bullshit and lies. And just once, I would like one of my oh so noble adversaries to admit, yeah, they are the ones who have actually lied and yeah, also done some really shitty things. Harmful ones even. You know, things that still bother me. Even after all this time.

Examination, please. On harm, if you will.

The G.E.R suspects that might actually never happen, and she won’t be surprised.

A few Points of Order...

Today was needles in the neck day, so needless to say, I am in a foul mood. Which means I have left whatever counts even remotely as my tact filter on the floor. So yes, a few points of order:

1: I do not now, nor have I ever claimed to be “the” voice of anything other than myself. I have not ever claimed to speak for all sex workers, all women who like (insert whatever here) or any other such thing.

2: That said, why yeah, I do think that women in the sex industry (all of them, no matter what opinion they hold on it) should be considered the more valid voices on the topic than those who have never done the job…this goes for radical/anti people and sex positive/pro people actually.

3: I do (and always have) advocated reading/looking into a variety of opinions from a variety of sex workers when attempting to learn about it.

4: Anyone who deals in universals (all women like/hate this, this sex act is by default degrading to women, all porn is misogynistic, all BDSM is abuse, all blah blah blah) well, you know what, I think you are probably an arrogant fucking idiot with serious projection issues and probably need to spend a shit ton more time examining your own crap than decreeing anyone that disagrees with you is messed up/ doing it wrong.

5: I do not think all porn, or even a lot of porn, is intentionally focused on the degradation of women. I think its primary intent is to make money via getting people off. As for porn that so, so many people think is misogynistic? Guess what, I believe it is ultimately misanthropic, and I have said that about a zillion times now.

6: Do I think there are a lot of asshole men who watch porn and think of the women in it as subhuman? Yep. I also think there are a lot of assholes period who do not watch it and think the same fucking thing.

Moving On-

1: Condom use in porn? Should be the decision of the PERFORMERS involved, to use or not to use. Not anyone else. I’d be just as likely to walk out on a producer who told me I had to use one when I did not want to as I would be to walk out on a producer who told me I could not use one when I did want to.

2: I am getting very, very tired of alt porn indy hipsters who think that the films they make of people fucking are so much better and classier and wondrous than the films made by people who are not alt porn indy hipsters. Guess what? If the primary theme of your movie is graphic sexual action? It’s porn. I don’t give a shit how many fake boobs you replace with natural bodies, how many conventional hair colors you replace with purple Mohawks, how many anal scenes you replace with “real” girl on girl scenes. STILL PORN. Still people naked and fucking. Get the fuck over yourselves.

Ha. Hahahahaha.

And lastly…Do not expect me to be your freakin’ mercenary for hire clockwork apocalypse if you intend to repay my skills with bullshit and backhanded slights against me or people like me. You deal with me straight, hell yes, I will have your back when asked. You pull a lot of passive aggressive “oh but we don’t mean YOU” when we rag on people like you or on you indirectly and your welcome is done worn out.

Man I am fucking sick of humans today. Very, very sick of them indeed.

kitties

Sharon yawning, Ozzy Staring...comfy on the office chair.

No real words

You know who you are. Thanks.

Being a Victim is Not an Excuse

As you all know, I am not a fan of most humans. Some are okay, others? For real. Fuck them. Shit that they have pulled and their general behavior and passive aggressive crap leads me to think “you know what, you’re right…I don’t give a fuck about you. I don’t give a crap about your pain, your trauma, your excuses, your delusions, or how those things have affected you.” Harsh, maybe, but consider why for a second. There are folk out there who always and forever use their victim status as a goddamn shield for everything. They use it as an excuse to say horrible things, engage in the exact same of behavior they condemn out of others, hold up other more vocal and sympathetic victims as human shields. They act all bold and full of strength (yet act as if having such a thing is such a goddamn burden) while engaging in some of the most seriously cowardly behavior I have ever seen in my life, take zero responsibility or own up to the horrible shit they’ve said or done, or let go unnoticed, whine about other people silencing them yet flatly refuse to let others speak- even when others are being civil- never name names because oh shit, that actually might take some real spinal fortitude- then sit back and whine about how everyone is so MEAN to them and how HORRIBLE people are sob sob sob don’t you see how fucking strong they are and all the shit they have to deal with? Yet, never, not once, do they ever own up to their own crap behavior and bullshit or ever being nasty because…well…shit, they were once a victim, so nothing they can do is ever their fucking fault. They should be treated as if they are forever bleeding from the eyes and on the doorstep of death (yet above question and bullet proof!) even when they are throwing knives.

Well you know what? Fuck that, and fuck them. It’s pure bullshit. Every human walking the face of the earth has been a victim of something at some time. Every single one of them has had bad shit happen to them. Yet most of them don’t put that shit on like armor and walk into battle figuring that if they act like a prize winning shithole of a human being it will keep them safe. Most people do not figure that their trauma outranks that of others and thus is more valid. Some people, however, do.

And because oh wow, their shit was (in their heads) more shitty and more horrible than other peoples shit, they act like it is fucking okay- even noble- to treat people who have been…. oh…. victims of domestic violence, victims of racism, victims of discrimination, victims of medical atrocity, victims of rape and torture, victims of countless other things… like shit. Never mind that those people wake up shaking and screaming in the night too sometimes, their shit is not as important. It can be (and often, if not always, is) ignored. Why? Because their pain just ain’t valid enough. Those mean people who so pick upon our poor beset upon tear-racked but oh so strong icons of exemplarily behavior just don’t bleed enough. They don’t have tear and snot stained excuses like our precious special only valid pain in the world heroines. They deserve it. Because they are the real victims, don’t you see, and everyone else is just a bully who is so mean and picking on them and their bad behavior doesn’t mean shit because…well…it’s not their fault!

It never is.

And that is fucking bullshit. So yeah, some people, people who behave like that?

You’re right. I don’t give a fuck about you at all. Your pain, your trauma, whatever else? Wallow in it. I fail to care, and yeah, I think you are fucking pathetic. Pain and trauma are not a shield and sword you get to swing with impunity-especially at people with pain and trauma of their own (which is, oh, pretty much all of them), and sniveling, cowardly, passive aggressive bullshit really does make me want to punch people (namely, oh, the types I am discussing here) in the face.

Fucking whiny hypocrites. I hate them. A lot. Some people really need to own their own shit before they start flinging it at other people.

This is for those people who think some women need saving from themselves...snerk.

Everyone, this is Ginele Marquez. As you can see, Ginele is a victim of violence. Ginele is often subject to extreme violence, really. Every day she goes to work, she risks getting beaten, being punched, kicked, knocked out, tossed around, having limbs broken and muscles torn. Actually, it goes beyond risk…it is fact. When Ginele goes to work, she is going to get hit. She subjects her body to a grueling routine every single day, because she needs to do it for her job.

Her industry is run by men, and they profit from it far more than Ginele herself does. When all this happens to her, there are tons of me cheering it on. They spend money on it, to watch this woman and others like her get hit and beaten.

Sweet Jesus, why aren’t the radical feminists running in to save Ginele from herself?

THIS IS GINELE MARQUEZ.

I wonder why the sisterhood is not screaming at her about her profession or what she is doing to herself or how she is being exploited…

Or then again, maybe I know why… She packs a mean punch.

Personally, I think she is cool as Alaskan Ice.

Late Afternoon Rant.

Okay. Official. AGAIN. I am fucking sick to death of something. Been sick of it for a loooong, loong time....but hey, let's beat the horse anyway.

Ahem. Why yes, a lot of dudes who watch porn are utter tools with regards to their attitudes about the women they are watching.

YET, at the same time, I think radical feminists who have never done porn yet decide they get to say or know how it is for women in porn are no better. None Whatsoever.

It is no more healthy for radical feminists to stereotype and objectify all women in porn as victims who are used and abused than it is for men to stereotype and objectify them as dirty whores who are good for only one thing.

Radical Feminists who have done porn? Yeah, speak away about your experiences as much as you like, after all- you have done the job and are thus in a position to speak about your experiences in it.

The rest of you? Please, please, please just shut up for two fucking seconds and consider how much you would relish the idea of other women telling you all about how it is for you in whatever situation. You are pulling the same shit you hate (all rad fems are ugly fat hairy man hating lesbians who could never get a man so that is why they are rad fems!- which is BULLSHIT-) on us (all women in porn are mind-fucked abuse victims blah blah blah).

Enough already. The majority of women in porn are perfectly capable of speaking for themselves and do not need your help.

And on the Porn Women are Not Human Front...

We have this...via ND.

Woman asks a question about her boyfriend's porn use. Some men offer the typically insightful advice that she is a controlling freak and a bitch. Some men suggest it is just in their nature to use porn. Some people are fairly polite and actually discuss it with her. Some folk tell her to ditch the dude.

Renegade reads, and notes the prevelant dehumanization of women in porn, and does in fact say something about it. See, I will point this shit out from everyone.

Now, truth be told...I don't personally give a fuck what some dude jerking his dick at a computer screen thinks of me so long as I get paid, but I do find it kind of amusing in that asshole grim way of mine, because oh so often, the dudes screaming the loudest about how they would never want to fuck some skanky stripper or porn whore (fap fap fap) or whatever blah blah blah are the ones who, when no one is around, especially the girlfriend, want to/ try to do just that. The ones who are more along the lines of "sure, I think Performer X is attractive, but I am not with her, I am with you, and I think you are attractive" are generally far more likely to be...well, interested in nothing other than looking.

One learns a lot about human nature in this business, that is for certain.

I think I smell bullshit...

So yeah, over at ND's, there is some dude telling everyone how it is...you know, the whole well men are physically stronger and women make babies shit (which is true, but come on already) and he makes the statement that "Men are more Aggressive than women"...

At which point, my eye starts twitching and I wonder what the fuck people are smoking. Cause you know what? I think that is pure bullshit. Women may manifest aggression differently than men do, but I do not for a second think they are any less aggressive. Less physically violent? Yeah. Less "aggressive" (let us not forget that "aggressive" and "violent" are two different things).. oh, I think not. And women get shamed for it, whereas men do not. Be that as it may, when in comes to aggression...

Women just use different tactics. Sure enough, women are seemingly less likely to kick the shit out of someone. However, they are fully capable of bullying, intimidation, harassment and other aggressive acts...they just go about it differently. Teasing, slander, rumor mongering, stuff like that? Hell, women excel at that shit. They are also fully capable of being assertive and "go getter" types in pretty much the exact same way men are. Maybe dude has never stood between a woman and something she wants.

I am of the mind that any dude who says women are less aggressive than men equates the whole of aggression to punching people in the face and has no idea what women can be like.