"Fun Feminists"....

A wise witch of a woman once said unto me “feminism is not fun”. And she is right, feminism is not fun. While it has its fun people, fun moments, fun times, feminism is not fun. It requires work. It requires thought. It requires doing things perhaps one would not normally do, or things that challenge or bother or pressure them in a great many ways. Feminism, and seeing why it is necessary…knowing why it is necessary, and doing what is necessary, is not, over all, fun.

Going to the beach with friends is fun. Seeing a good play with a loved one is fun. Doing something silly and carefree is fun. Fun leaves you with a smile on your face and laughter in your belly and a warm fuzzy feeling in your soul.

Reading about genital mutilation and slave labor and discrimination against women and domestic abuse and ‘she was asking for it’ is not fun. It gives you nightmares, not a warm, fuzzy, soul.

Feminism is not fun, and often, it is downright frustrating. You see, contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as a fun feminist. There are feminists with a sense of humor, and feminists who know how to have fun, but the ‘fun feminist’ (often also labeled the ‘sex-positive’ feminist) is as about as real as the Kraken, Big Foot, and ethical mob lawyers. They are a myth, an urban legend.

Oh, there is little doubt there are divisions in feminism, factions and different ideologies and what not, but that is honestly to be expected. Feminists are after all human, and humans have differing opinions and concerns and thoughts. We aren’t the Borg. And truthfully, I think those differences do not only keep us on edge and occasionally at one another’s throats, but on our toes, which is where feminists need to be, honing their “A Game” for the times they really need it. But it is not fun. And this whole ‘fun feminist’ thing? Yeah, starting to irk me just as much as, oh..say…the term pornstitution.

Listen, I am not fun. I have my fun moments, I have a sense of humor, but I am not fun feminist, and no amount of eyeliner or nudity is going to change that. I know all about jerks and assholes and men who are not so wonderful. In fact, I am of the mind that men who rape, or beat women, or force them into any kind of labor, or molest children or murder could stand a little high velocity cerebral cortex lead therapy. I get sick of men pulling the genetic superiority/ ‘god’s laws’ to justify their bullshit, and I have said as much often…and dealing with that is not fun. And it is bad enough to hear the ‘you silly girl’ patronizing bile out of men, but hearing it from feminists is worse.

You know, not all men are rapist/abusing/asshole/murdering pedophiles, and I am just never going to see how treating those who are not with a bare minimum of basic human respect is bad. It’s not pandering to or catering to or apologizing for, it’s acting like a decent person and trying to find the decency in other people…even the ones with testicles. Respect and understanding are a little like trouble in that regard…don’t start none there won’t be none….

I also tend to believe that, well, you know, feminism has a little something to do with women being seen as humans too, both by men and women (crazy idea, I know.) So when I see “serious feminists” bashing “fun feminists” and calling them barbies and fuckbots/sexbots and glitter girls and lipstick feminists and my pretty ponies, and, oh yeah, stupid, I find myself shaking my head and grinning that not so amused grin and thinking “what the fuck?” How is that humanizing? How is that anything but rude, petty and objectifying? Oh wait- It’s not."

It’s not all about lipstick & leg shaving, people…

You know, sometimes a woman does wear a skirt not because the patriarchy told her too, but because it’s more comfortable. Hot day, skirt, yeah, comfortable. Breezy. Ventilation. Freedom of movement, hell, cuts down on the risk of yeast infections. Ninety-five degrees and humid? Yeah, cotton skirt is going to beat out jeans every time…less sweat, less chaffing, less discomfort…and it ain’t about the patriarchy, it's about practicality. Hell, Scotsmen have been wearing skirts for centuries, why can’t women?

It ain’t all about blowjobs either. You know, they can be given from on top, and sometimes us poor cursed heterosexual feminists like to, oh make our partners feel good. Guys go down too, you know. It’s pretty equitable to share the favor… it should not be women telling other women who, how and when they can fuck. Sure, most feminists actually, you know, like sex…I just don’t see when it became one groups apparently womanly given right to tell other women that they are doing it the wrong way. After all, hasn’t the patriarchy been doing that fine on its own for a long time now?

And arguing with other feminists about this shit is not fun. Having different opinions on what to wear, to paint the face or not, on what consenting people can do in the name of sexual pleasure, or even if a person who was born in the wrong body should get to correct that? Not fun. Interesting, but inevitably collapses into insults and mob tactics. Disagreeing with you does not make us ‘fun feminists’. It makes us feminists with a different fucking opinion. We’re not sucking up to the boyz, ladies, we are…oh…standing up for own opinions.

And at the end of the day, well, I think if maybe one of us “fun feminists” can make sure a woman who is getting beaten by her partner can get the help that she needs or some child does not have to worry about having her clitoris cut out or some woman, mother, does not get her breasts cut off in an ‘act of war’ or some child gets the opportunity to not only learn to read but see a real doctor…well, sorry if that ranks a little higher on my list than if a consenting woman decides to pose in Playboy or take a pole-dancing class.

So yeah, I am sex-positive and like me some porn. But I also know all about how young girls, babies, are getting raped in South Africa because some men are told that sex with a young, pure, virgin girl will rid them of HIV. I know more than I want to about what goes on in the mining of conflict diamonds. I know about the abuses, sexual and otherwise, that face women, children and men in the garment industry, migrant farm labor, and tech based sweatshops. I know about women who get beat to a near bloody pulp by abusive partners. I know about women who get stoned, set on fire, and murdered for the mere accusation of impurity. Shoot, I know what it is like to get beaten myself. Fun fun, isn’t it? Just a barrel of fucking laughs…

If you don’t start crying or screaming first.

So, do us all a favor, take the ‘fun feminist’ label and shove it up your ass, okay? That’s exactly where it belongs, because it is shit.

Feminism is not fun, not even the lipstick wearing sex-positive kind.