So, I am gonna kick this here post o’ homage to female desire off with one such fellow:Peter Steel of Type O Negative, who most certainly inspires my gaze…possibly hard enough to burn holes through concrete.
Now, Cassandra herself has already discussed the whole bullshit double standard regarding women’s sexuality…the “good girls don’t/women aren’t supposed to want it” theories, so no need to rehash that here, and she also brought up my favorite theory of “um, we are, after all, animals”, and even the very true assumption amid many feminists that there is no such thing as a female dominant out there in life or BDSM land (kinda like the rare willing and happy sex worker!), and a few even think that women truly, for their own reasons, generally do not have psychotically high crazy sex drives. So, since we all seem to be myths like Bigfoot, the Kraken, and Ethical Mob Lawyers, I am going to have fun with that for a while…
Ah yes, fun with Feminism & Sexuality:
Ren: “Hey, Mr. Evolution?”
Mr.E: “What?”
Ren: “When was the last time I turned you down, sex wise?”
Mr.E: (ponders) “2002. You had food poisoning.”
Here’s a shocker for you: I really, really like sex. A lot. It’s right up there with sleep, good Mexican food, and Jager as a reason for living. And as I have stated before, emotional connection or even “like” are not necessary for me when it comes to the ancient arts of nookie. I like the nookie in and of and for itself. I also think I am blessed in that I am bold enough to ask for what I want, and harsh enough to say what I don’t like, both personally, and yeah, professionally. And funny, all those names people use to shame bold and brazen types like me don’t faze me in the least, muhahahha, because I think the ideas that a woman cannot, does not, or should not like, enjoy, pursue, initiate, have fun with, and accept herself for liking sex are completely moronic. Yes, she should absolutely be safe. Yes, she should absolutely be responsible. Yes, she should absolutely be mature enough to handle having sex…but for all that is sane, if she is those things, then by all means, if she wants sex, she should have it…
And she should and can have it any way she wants too…even if that is shocking, offensive, unbelievable, or yes, even boring, to other people! This idea that female dominants are a fictional construct of the Patriarchy blows my mind (kinda like the idea that no women actually enjoys the name calling thing, or, um, the porn sex). I know a lot of dominant females who would loudly disagree with that. Yes indeedy. I think every time a feminist takes some sexual activity or role and relegates it to the “Construct of the Patriarchy” pile it is, in truth, damaging to women’s sexual freedom, their expression of their sexuality, their sexual persona, and yes, even their very soul. Face it, in the not so distant past, and why yes, even today, people, both male and female, who were/are homosexual, bisexual, into BDSM, promiscuous, or in any way outside the ancient ass, backwards, bullshit lines of “the sexual norm” were deemed insane and criminal. Insane & Criminal. Labeled. Othered. Stigmatized. And why yes, they still are! By feminists even…so I gotta ask:
Who does that benefit?
The answer, a big fat no one. Dominant Women just are. The pornified world influencing their views excuse does not fly with me on this one, because yes, while in very recent years there have been examples of Dominant Women Portrayed in the Media (Mistress Heather from CSI comes to mind), women are not bombarded with images of Dommes everywhere, female tops are rarely seen in those porn pop-ups you get on your cell phone, and while the 18 foot tall billboard advert of the bikini girl is common, when was the last time you saw one of a woman in spike heeled thigh-highs, a leather corset & trench coat smacking male ass with a riding crop? For fucksake, the infamous John Stagliano shocked the shit out of the porn world, the art world, and all of Vegas with his BDSM themed “The Fashionistas” which yes, had female dominance as a central theme and featured a real lifestyle Domme as a central character. The movie inspired a Vegas Show, which is quite popular, and might I say, having seen it, quite good. As one reviewer said “A pornographer has just embarrassed a lot of people.” And why is “The Fashionistas” so popular? Because not only is it well done…it is something that people do not see every day (female dominance) yet rings true for a lot of people (namely those who accept the reality of BDSM and yes, female dominants).
But the point here is, the assumption that dominant women are dominant women within the eeeviiilll confines of the (patriarchy) BDSM scene solely to turn on the menz is not just preposterous, its…righteously insulting. It flat out says no woman can be or is…dominant. Ever. She can’t be. It’s all an act for the boyz and anything she gets out of it comes at their leisure, like scraps from the table. To that I say…bullshit! Almost every dominant female I know had a desire to be dominant before or right along with those first hormonal stirrings and actually had no idea what BDSM was or any exposure to it, or most other forms of porn or erotic lit. Those desires came from within, and in all too many cases caused that girl to wonder what the hell was wrong with her? Why was she so twisted? Why was she a pervert? Why didn’t missionary, roses and Barry White appeal? Why wasn’t the standard mode of sex as dictated via mass media and the patriarchy what she wanted? Answer? Because she’s a fucking top by and for and via her own reasons and it is part of her sexual persona and not because of the patriarchy. It isn’t all about the menz. It’s about her! Her desire, her kink, her pleasure, her sexuality. And feminists shaming women for this, or further more, denying the very existence of a huge factor of their personhood is, simply put, wrong. After all, whom does it benefit? Well, the only people I can see it benefiting are those who find non-puritan standards of sexuality offensive and enjoy shaming, othering and dehumanizing those who don’t. Oh yeah, and they generally know jack and shit about BDSM.
Opps…did I say that out loud? Hum, I guess I did. Oh well, I guess that’s because I find the mere idea of anyone, especially feminists, shaming responsible, adult women for their sexual desires and proclivities repulsive. Shit…did I say that out loud too? Aw, fuck, I guess I did.
And just what, dear Renegade, would you know about being dominant, anyway? Aren’t you with the one with the foot on the back of your head?
Ah, yes, well…
There was a porny girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was submissive
She enjoyed being submissive
But when she was dominant…
She was mother fucking evil and left permanent scars.
I am not nice or particularly considerate when being dominant, so I don’t do it full out and the way I like to very often, and when I do, I am very selective of whom I will play with…because just as I get extreme on the receiving end, sexually, I give extreme. But guess what? It most certainly, never, ever, is all about the menz. It’s about me and whomever I am playing with. In fact, as of yet, I have never filmed, sold, profited from my kind of dominance because…well, tis illegal to film and sell outside of Germany and in truth, it is rather private…it’s for me and people I play with. So…not doing it for the Pat or the Pat’s Approval, or the Pat’s Money. I do it because I have that desire. That drive. Deep down in my kinky little soul. And I do not think it, or any of the other kinky, wild, or strange things that party down there like Marti Gras all the time are bad. They just are. They are my desires and my sexual persona and an important part of who I am…
I am a responsible, adult woman, and I’ll not be shamed for it. Not by men, not by women, not by feminists or society as a whole. Nope. I will have none.
Cheers ladies, and lets have more about female desire this week…tis a good topic.
49 comments:
Hah, that was fast!
And this illustrates part of the point I wanted to make, which was...
The idea that there is a universal beauty standard? Nonsense. Tastes vary HUGELY. You and I are wierd similarly in some ways, but don't like at all the same kind of men.
Cassandra:
You seem to go more for pretty and thin than I do, it seems...
Ren - Yep, pretty, skinny, as little body hair as possible.
The body hair is the thing I'm least flexible on, actually.
You seem to go for tall and manly with big muscles..and musicians, but that's pretty much a universal.
Actually, Pete there is one of the few musicians I am nuts over....but yeah, tall and AT LEAST wiry :)
I got no lust for thin pretty boys and a general rule...they look...breakable.
I have but one question:
Has every feminist here forgotten amid RE’s rage fueled humorous rants and pithy observations about the world, women and sexuality that she’s capitalist pornographer? One who makes a profit off sexualized violence and the degradation of women? I don’t care how she dresses or if her breasts are real or not or if she loves sex, men, and BDSM, that's her own personal business and her own choice. However, the fact that she makes a profit off abusive, degrading misogynistic pornography- not just as a performer- is something I can’t get past. Even if the only woman ever featured on her sites or those she’s affiliated with is her, which I find doubtful, she’s peddling violent, anti-woman pornography for profit. I also get the impression if she could build a large production company or a porn empire out of it, she would.
So, just how again is RE good for women, or feminism?
Can someone explain this?
Anony:
Wait, wait, wait...you can call me a lot of things...
but "pithy" ain't one of them.
Pistols at dawn!!!
But my dear, that's the point...the skinny pretty boys can be thrown around in bed.
I did mention that I was a dom, right?
CS: yes, yes you did, and I get that....I guess I like more of a challenge? You know, sucker punch style?
(roflmao...)
Actually, pretty boys confuse me...never know if I want to fuck them or get them to do my hair for me...but they are...pretty.
"Tastes vary HUGELY."
Thank heaven for that! Skinny men just make me want to cook them something. Hairless men remind me of my children. I like someone twice my size and covered with a pelt. A Bear, please.
"she’s capitalist pornographer?"
NO! Ren! What haven't you been telling us? SHOCKING!
Which is worse, the capitalist or the pornographer?
RT:
Both are signs of my innate evvviiilll.
Wait. . .Ren's a pornographer? I thought she was a Sunday School teacher! My world, it has shattered.
You're right, Ren. I was a dom before I realized what sex was. And when I realized what sex was? Well. . .
And Cassandra's right, skinny boys are easy to toss around! They're also good at picking out makeup and furniture, etc. Plus, they're just sooooo pretty. I gaze upon them and I'm ready to go. Right then, there. In the middle of the Supermarket, I don't care. Added bonus: they confuse people when they see us together. Cause I'm tall, fat and kinda Amazonian. And they're not. The curious looks make me giggle.
I suppose if you're going to be bad, might as well be completely bad. The saying here is "May as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb"
You probably eat rare beef, too. Tsk.
RT: I have had people refuse to eat steak in my presence as I my ordering/cooking style consists of "knock the horns off it, wipe its as, walk it by the grill, I'll eat it".
Oh my god, that makes the trifecta!
"I like someone twice my size and covered with a pelt. A Bear, please."
Rootie - I am starting to believe we were perhaps separated at birth.
I have a strong preference for men with an Italian blood line. I think it has something to do with seeing Godfather II during my formative years. I mean I declare, Mr. De Niro!
Anyway - I like 'em tall, dark and handsome. Dj is, of course, all three. Though he's half Irish, he looks 100% Roman. *excuse me while I wipe the drool from my chin*
The "pelt" comes with the territory.
"Actually, pretty boys confuse me...never know if I want to fuck them or get them to do my hair for me...but they are...pretty. "
I can do my own hair...I prefer to use the pretty boys for other things.
This is further complicated by the fact that I like them pretty but I don't like them too passive. I want them to look pretty and fuck like animals.
RE Rare meat...not to my taste, but a Texan friend used to say she liked her steak to look like a good vet could save it.
Sweet Madonna on High!
Ren is a...PORNOGRAPHER? Who makes degrading, anti-woman porn?
You...you mean I've sold my soul to and been cheerfully commenting away on the blog of a sinful, horrid smut dealer?????
UNCLEAN! I am UNCLEAN!
Rootie, Kim, I need emergency sanctification, STAT!
Back, Ren, back, ye evil serpent wrapped in the flesh of woman!
Hey Anony...it's desires of women week, and I THINK the resident capitalist pornographer desires both money and loves her some degrading, anti-woman sex...
Funny, the constitution says that's ok!
Yup, I was submissive before I knew what sex was. I can play at dom, play very well as one boy will attest, but I REALLY don't like it.
And I like 'em skinny and pretty. And bi. >_> <_< I'd blame yaoi for my taste, but my taste is why I like yaoi, so the causal relationship is too reversed to be plausible.
Oh yes indeed, think of a hot place while you put the meat on my plate. That's cooked enough for me. Favorite method- sliced very very thin, tossed with sesame oil and a dash of soy sauce, sliced green onions. Yum.
Lean over Rosa, I'll hit you on the head with my 5 lb Oxford Annotated Bible.
Awe man! Bi-Lo's got London Broil on sale! Guess what's barely cooked tonight! Rootie's got PMS and needs fortification.
Hmm. Trying to summon up a "type" and mostly failing, except that I like roguish grins. Beyond that, I've liked all sorts of "types". I think that what matters most to me is being genuinely cared about, which I find extremely hot.
There is, though, a special place in my heart for pretty, skinny boys.
lillcollegegirl - psst, pretty skinny boy who takes yaoi-like pictures currently starring over at my place! I need something to counteract all the macho muscliness emanating from Ren's direction.
Rootie..."Rootie's got PMS and needs fortification. "
Do you crave meat when you're PMSing? I always seem to go into atavistic "screw the vegetables, give me some burned meat!" mode around that time.
allow me to cast my vote for maximum peltage.
Antiprince looks like Sweetums from the Muppet Show.
(swoon)
ok, that's something of an exaggeration. but not much. he is fairly huge and covered with reddish fur (owing to Danish ancestry).
but Sweetums is a much better dancer.
However, the fact that she makes a profit off abusive, degrading misogynistic pornography- not just as a performer- is something I can’t get past.
so, just out of curiosity - why are you here?
what makes you think she makes mad bank as a result of the direct exploitation of others? I mean, do you do her taxes or something? do you know for sure?
if nothing else, Ren is good for feminism in the same way that a grain of sand is good for a pearl.
Hairy men? Yecch.
Smoothness, plz.
I prefer partners who look human and not like monkeys *laugh*
(anyone who takes the above remark too seriously gets a frying pan upside the head)
"I got no lust for thin pretty boys and a general rule...they look...breakable."
That's why they're hot! *grin*
Anyway Ren, thank you for this post. A lot.
I want to marry it.
Trinity-
Is that legal? ;)
"Do you crave meat when you're PMSing?"
Great slabs of bleeding beef, gobbled like an animal, big hunks of the stuff. No fat tho, raw fat's just gross.
"he is fairly huge and covered with reddish fur"
Yeah that's SD as well. the whole tactile thing is amazing with a hairy man. To quote Bloom County, 1988: "I don't like smooth chested men. Smooth chested men leave me clammy. Bleh"
I once dated a fellow who shaved off every hair on his body.
once dated = dated once. maybe twice. just couldn't get behind it. perhaps if his personality did not also so closely resemble a plucked chicken, I might have had better luck. I mean, I can see the aesthetic appeal, but on him it just looked kinda dumb.
I think hairlessness accentuates muscles, but seems to me a hairless man would be like a rubber doll, kind of. And if a guy shaves it all off, he'd have to do it twice a day to maintain the effect, else you'd be cuddling stubble. Ick. With a hairy man, it's the best of all worlds, with smooth bits, and hairy bits, and stubbly things (nice in small doses), a smorgasbord of sensory input.
"I think hairlessness accentuates muscles, but seems to me a hairless man would be like a rubber doll, kind of."
For me it's totally different Rootie. For me, seeing their skin means seeing THEM. They're not hidden from me in this forest of hair, they're visible, touchable. Why would I want someone I have to wade through fur to caress?
To each her own, but the whole idea that hairlessness makes men look rubbery or scrawny I don't get. Am I rubbery or chickenish because *my* chest isn't hairy?
"Tastes vary HUGELY."
Yep. I like mine tall, dark-haired, hairy, and big-nosed.
And I have no idea why.
"Am I rubbery or chickenish because *my* chest isn't hairy? "
I can't answer to the chicken ish, since I've never seen you. But rubbery? Well, probably, IMO. Hairlessness just...isn't quite...where it's at...for me. I don't think hairlessness makes a man look scrawny, necessarily. Plenty of beefy guys with no hair (The Rock comes to mind), it's just that, for me, hair provides a level of sensation that makes me purr. Thank goodness the hairless men of the world have women that find them attractive, likewise for the hairy men.
To each her own, but the whole idea that hairlessness makes men look rubbery or scrawny I don't get. Am I rubbery or chickenish because *my* chest isn't hairy?
a good question, trinity.
maybe this is my own inner misogyny? my own rejection of hairlessness due to its association with femininity?
I had not noticed my hairist tendencies. consider them checked.
however, these days, the more-pelted people I know often feel embarrassed, as though having lots of hair is a sign of uncivilized slovenly habits or poor grooming. which I don't think it is.
Please...
I am the only one with a plastic chest here...
"I had not noticed my hairist tendencies. consider them checked. "
I am unashamedly embracing my hairist tendencies.
"the more-pelted people I know often feel embarrassed, as though having lots of hair is a sign of uncivilized slovenly habits or poor grooming. which I don't think it is."
SD hates going to the beach, believing that anyone under the age of 75 is grossed out when he takes off his shirt. I don't think most people are, but he is very self concious about it anyway. I understand because I am the same way about my thighs. I believe having hair is...just is. Like brown eyes or a dimple in your chin.
hairism -
well, it took me a long time to come to grips with my preference for larger and and hairier individuals. for the longest time I felt like a weirdo.
Mr. Abusive Exhusband ranged in body type/mass from rangy-wiry (when he was in his "eating is for weaklings" phases) to pretty buff-diesel (when he was feeling all "chicks dig muscles! must get muscles!), and was not overly hairy. in the aftermath of particularly violent arguments, in those contrite moments, he'd say "well, at least I'm not some disgusting fat hairy ugly biker guy, all covered with hair and fat"...and a little voice in the back of my head would go "actually, darlin'..."
after seven years of that, it was hard to own my own desires. so, I desire hair and bulk. but maybe the chicken comparison belied a negative value judgment I didn't even know I was making.
*nods* I don't mean to dis the hair fans... I just don't like it myself. It seems like an extra layer in the way, to me.
And also, it's easier to see marks on skin if there's not fur in the way. :D
So, finding heavyset women unattractive is shallow.
Finding shaved women attractive is pedophiliac.
Anything other than egalitarian sexual attraction is wrong.
But...when it comes to men, none of these similar preferences have any greater significance? Any preference is just fine & dandy?
Alpha:
People should be able to like what they like physically. (if you like thin women, fine...CS likes pretty boys, I like buff guys, there is room for diversity)
No one here has stated that they think a preference for shaving is rooted in pedo mentality.
I think the Rad Fem idea of egalitarian sexual attraction is a pipe dream, and I am not thrilled with the concept personally. Nor do a lot of these other women seem to be...
so, what is your point???
"I think the Rad Fem idea of egalitarian sexual attraction is a pipe dream, and I am not thrilled with the concept personally. Nor do a lot of these other women seem to be..."
Strange how he's dumb enough to miss that.
Rootie - I cut the fat off of everything. It's not even a health thing, I just don't like it. It's texturally unappealing.
Trin - Word. I know that we are descended from the apes...doesn't mean I need to fuck one. I like guys I can throw around in bed. I like snuggling up to soft, smooth skin. Also, the idea of blood play with hairy guys..nasty stickiness afterwards, would obscure the view.
My SO is pubic hair free, at my request. Much more fun to play with that way. Interestingly enough once he tried it he likes it better this way too. Now remind me who said anything about that being a paedophile thing?
I think it's the sensory thing that bothers me most with hairy men. I like skin...with hairy guys I feel like they're wearing a sweater even when they're naked. A nasty, itchy sweater. Then again this is me - cashmere makes me itchy.
PS Alpha seems to be mistaking this blog for IBTP or something.
it's kind of mildly entertaining how the usual suspects can only play the same damn tune over and over and fucking over again. only mildly, though.
I think judicious amounts of body hair strategically places is sexy. (male or female). thick pelts...i've got nothin' against it, it just doesn't do much for me.
i don't like shiny waxed bald all over either, though, usually, unless there are pretty tattoos and piercings or something.
and meat must be bloody and tender and juicy. ahem.
As a skinny pretty-boy myself (or so I've been told), I'm heartened to read this thread and see many women here who appreciate this type. It's also refreshing to hear from female doms. I don't know if I am actually a sub myself, but I do know that I don't really like being dominant.
One question: how do I find women like this in real life??
I occasionally meet girls who like pretty boys, though they tend to dating one already (perhaps because pretty boys are more common than women who are into pretty boys?). I've met one woman who has told me that she is a dom, but she and I are just friends, and she is dating a guy who is hunkier than me. (I have met many women with socially dominant personalities but who are sexually submissive.)
So where do you find, or how do you spot, women who are into pretty-boys, who are doms, or both?
Hi Hugh, nice to see ya...I think Cassandra, Zan and Trinity are the resident experts on pretty boys :)
hugh said "One question: how do I find women like this in real life?? "
Goth clubs? That's a good place to start, anyway. Most goth girls like their boys pretty and thin. Hang around the yaoi section at Borders and you'll have more girls eyeing you up than you know what to do with...of course they may be imagining throwing you into bed with another pretty boy.
Also concerts where the headliners are notorious pretty boys. I didn't take my husband to the last one precisely because I didn't want to have to spend the whole night guarding him from horny pretty-boy-loving women.
Hey Ren... I've really been enjoying this blog, btw. It's a lot different from the feminist blogs I am used to.
hugh-
well, i'm a little different...in general
Thanks a lot for the ideas, Cassandra. *goes off to look for some goth clubs*
Ooh, skinny and pretty.
I'm not particularly into being dominant to skinny guys, I actually like delicate looking little things who are totally rampant.
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