So, here we are...

Go read this thread at WitchyWoo's. It is long, you have been warned.

This is my response to Stormy's "request".

Well, if this is where we are then this is where we are. I can either swear to never say nasty or critical word about radical feminism, or more specifically radical feminists, or even certain radical feminists, and comply with whatever other demands Stormy has now, or later, or whenever, or she will publish the information she has gathered on me for everyone to see, including part of my name, un-edited photos I had stored elsewhere for work reasons (images possibly triggering, contain identifying marks, which would, No Doubt, be used by her Without My Consent and without payment, and which she does not own), and whatever else she’s dug up. In short, she’s blackmailing me, and threatening doing what she can to out me, a tactic known as intimidation, which, if effective, would be coercive and silencing.

How does one respond to that, really? I could say, okay, fine, you win, but I never know when something I might say randomly might cross the line and void the deal. I could say that use of images owned by other people without their consent and really, for no educational purposes whatsoever is more than a little sketchy. I can’t obviously trust her to hold up her side of the bargain now, can I?

I can’t, because frankly, for all my alleged narcissism, sociopathy, so on, so forth, whatever other insults or mental illness’s you want to throw in my general direction, I can’t comprehend doing this to someone else, even if the information was already out there. A lot of information, from home addresses to credit card numbers can be found out there “in the public” domain. I don’t, for lack of a better word, believe in outing people, no matter how much I might dislike them…because those people usually have other people in their lives that I do not know, nor do I know how it would affect them. I’ve even blogged against it, actually. And I’ve never done it or threatened to do it to anyone here.

My violent statement was bad, I get that. Stormy, what you are doing here is a threat. I’ve said previously in this thread that I would lay off the bashing because I have been harsh, and often wrong, over-zealous, mean, vicious, whatever other term you want to use. I said there were three people who I specifically thought had been just as nasty myself. And I think they have. No one here has to agree…hell, I never demanded that anyone agree with me…but that is how I feel about it and what I think, not that it matters what I feel or think, or has it ever for the most part when it comes to this sort of thing, nor would it probably ever matter in the future either, because in the opinions of most folks here…I am the worst, the most guilty party, and one of you has decided these means are okay…and is prepared, rather gleefully, to publish and dig for more.

So now I have Stormy’s Ultimatum, threat, blackmail, coercive means to get me to shut up hanging over my head, right there, in black and white as it were. It’s obvious I can’t trust her. Having gone this far to stop me, I have no reason to think she’s a woman of her word. I am not even claiming the word feminist at this point, I really have no desire to use it, and for all my foul deeds, I’ve never attempted to harm someone by putting them in this position. I discussed the matter with people who do matter to me, people I trust; a good long time friend, the significant other, other folks who know me and how this sort of thing goes, even got a note or two from some decidedly neutral corners regarding the matter…and after the “crap, that is blackmail” sentiments were finished, the primary advice seemed to be… “Well Ren, you can never speak your mind, on anything, or allow you commenters to speak freely without worrying if this woman will be offended and go through with her threat or not, employ the same tactic on others, you can constantly be wondering about it, or you can do your thing, let her spill what she’s got, most of which, widely known or not, was public, even though she has no right or legal claim to display your photos, and see if she keeps digging, at which point, make it a legal issue,” or I could “just walk away”.

But I am not sure if I can just walk away at this point, hell, I am not sure if I can do either. I’ve never been big on threats, blackmail, and attempted silencing and intimidation to start with. I’ve never threatened to out someone in any way because it’s a rotten thing to do not just to the person, but the people in their lives as well, and I can never know when Stormy would just decide for one reason or another to do it anyway, and I cannot take or trust her at her word…not now, not any time ever again. How do I just walk away when at this point, no matter what she might say, I can never know what thing might be said, which will be attributed to me and an attack on “radical feminists” and she will do what I suspect she is planning on doing anyway? There are no assurances for me, whatsoever, that Stormy would keep up her side of the bargain. None at all.

I said I would lay off on bashing rad feminism and radical feminists, but if anything and everything I ever say is held to a standard of guilt or innocence by a woman who thinks this is all fine and dandy, I’d live in fear of ever offering my opinion again, and that is not fair, it is not right, no matter how much anyone disagrees or what nasty things they say.

I don’t think women, even me, should have to live under fear of a threat. You are making that happen, personally, right now.

So, I guess this is where I stand on the matter, because a lot of people are right and this has just gotten out of hand: I won’t personally say word one to or about another radical feminist blogger unless asked for my opinion or invited to comment in her space. If linked or quoted, I do think I have the right to give my side or defend myself. Large feminist/women’s issues, I do think I have a right to comment or write about them or critique/analyze them, but I will avoid bashing. Books and noted authors/speakers, I think I should be able to do the same, but I will avoid bashing them. I am not responsible for the attitudes and words of those who comment on my blog, those words and attitudes belong to them, and I have never claimed to run a women’s only/safe space. I have the right to talk about my job and defend my choice to do it. I also won’t delete anything I’ve said previously, because erasing it does nothing, but I will refrain from personal attacks/ the “bashing” of radical feminists in the future…because really, it gets us where? Here. I will, however, for the record, state that I disagree with the threat of outing anyone, because it causes them fear, and affects not only them, but other people in their lives. I can’t trust you to be a woman of your word, Stormy, none of “us” can. Would you like it if some men, who are often bashed on Radical Blogs, did something like this to you? If I, or someone from UK feminist circles or anywhere, did it to you? Would any of you? Point is, I suppose, I will refrain from “bashing”, but I am not going to let you silence me via threats and black mail, but I will do what I’ve said here and hope that I you honestly think about your tactics here and how you would like it if they were applied to you. I will also be posting this, and linking the thread…after all, everyone is standing by what they’ve said here, yes? I personally suspect you will go ahead and do it anyway, that other than stopping my blog and deleting the whole thing nothing would satisfy you (after all, you’ve been a bit vague about what exactly it is that you wanted.)

But if you back off, then, sure, I am done. I won’t be tearing any Radical Feminist up for their actions, even if it might be warranted. I will blog about Other Things. You will not see a “radical feminist/radical feminism” post out of me again. If those terms are agreeable to you, let me know. If not, let me know, and so be it.

After all, you have no real need to pay attention to anything that I say anyway, I am no longer claiming to be a feminist blogger.