It’s happened to her, it’s happened to her, it’s happened to her, it’s happened to her, it’s happened to tons of other women, it happens to children, it happens to people all over, all kinds of people, every day. It’s happened to me.You’re not safe. No one is. Not on the street, in your home, your favorite café, a parking lot, the mall, or the internet. No space is yours, not your living space, your recreational space, your web space, your family space, your work space, your MySpace.
Anything and everything about you, public, semi-public, private, can be found by anyone with the time, means, dedication and intent to do it. Do you post photos of yourself, your friends, your children in your blog or on a family web page? Obama did, they ended up on a pedophiles website. Do you post about your favorite restaurants, nightclubs, bars and give them name? Do you list your hometown, occupation, family members names, their occupations, company names, university, high school? Write about local events? Sports teams you go watch? Local politics? Ever put your real name, in part or in full, out there? Ever said where you grew up? You an actor, performer, writer, with a bio/hire/promotional page and photo out there? You have an icon or avatar which is really you? Ever use a credit card to buy something online?
Then people can find it, and with intent, use it against you, use it to hurt you, above and beyond the verbal realm. Big Brother is watching, but he does not care…it’s the person down the block, across the country; in the house next door you need to worry about. Anyone and everyone. Anyone on the street, in your apartment complex, at the desk next to you, in your dorm, and anyone with an internet connection. They can find out about you. They can use that to hurt you, or they can just flat out hurt you.
People get stalked, harassed, tracked down, threatened, outed, molested, blackmailed, raped, murdered. For any and all reasons. And it can happen to anyone.
And it feels like shit. No one has to actually hurt you to victimize you, though that happens often enough. It causes paranoia, terror, cold sweats. You feel violated, intruded upon, terrorized. It’s like finding out your roommate’s boyfriend has been going through your underwear drawer, and jacking off in it. It’s like coming home to a house that’s been broken into, even if nothing was stolen. It’s like seeing a peeping tom at your window at night. It’s like finding out a friend has shown your diary to an enemy. It’s a hammer hanging over your head; you just don’t know when the hit will come. It’s a stranger lurking in the backseat of your car. It’s a cold, creepy sense of intrusion that settles in your spine, seeps into your gut, because you never know where and when something bad will happen. To you, and not just to you, but anyone and everyone you’ve mentioned, anywhere and everywhere you go, in anything and everything you do.
It makes it hard to sleep at night, and rips apart faith and the possibility for friendships and the ability to trust into tiny, bleeding shreds. It hurts, it silences, it kills.
And it is wrong.
Don’t do it. Don’t support it. Don’t condone it. Don’t tolerate it. Do not let it happen. Because it can happen to you…and it hurts. It hurts you, and anyone and everyone who knows you. It hurts everyone.
People quote people, fight with people, agree with people, debate, argue, snark, praise, refute, commiserate, share, take things personally, lie, blow up, calm down, yell, scream and stomp their feet on the net all the time, just like they do in real life. Politics, religion, economics, society, activism, philosophy, films, sex, drugs & rock ‘n roll- you name it, people talk about it, anywhere and everywhere, and that shit can be fun, or funny, it can get heated, even hated, it can get vicious or end in a big old party…such is human nature.
But there is a line on all that, when it goes from personal to way too personal. When it goes to stalking, threats, outing, using personal information for ill-intent, endangering people, making them, and anyone around them hurt, fear, wonder, dread...sometimes even ending up with them dead...
It’s wrong.
30 comments:
It IS wrong, Ren.
When this happens, an enjoyable, innocuous hobby (blogging) becomes suddenly dangerous.
I could go as far as to say it's like rape: this forced entry into what was one's personal space, this victimization, humilation and possible fear.
But then, NOTHING is really "like rape" except rape.
There are certain codes of behavior that one would hope any sane, compassionate indiviudal would follow. This sort of thing is just wrong.
Let me be very clear about this. There is no way that people are anonymous over the Internet to the extent they think.
As an Administrator on a huge website here in Denmark, I can testify to this. If I have the nickname of any dane, below the age of 20, I can easily get their e-mail adress, IP-adress, their hometown, their phonenumber, and almost everything I would require.
Everyone should be careful. And the fact that I just said that I am able to get these things, will make certain visitors able to find out who I am without any problems.
So keep it in mind, I guess.
- Martin.
well said Ren.
great post Ren. Well put, well said. Hear, hear.
wrong or not, probly won't harm if people were a wee bit more aware of it ... there's no such thing as anonymity on the nets. (neither privacy in emails.)
also wouldn't underestimate bigbrother. just because he didn't step on your toe (yet), doesn't mean you're not on file.
since i'm involved with a project exposing the police brutality the commercial media usually refuse to cover ( http://PigBrother.info ), EVERY page they got me on file for incl my blog is regularly visited not just by the local swiss cops in all their varieties, but also by tons of foreign ministries, .gov, .int, .mil, you name it, and that's just the ones you can tell by their isp ...
well, everybody making a hit is ok ;-), but i also lost / didn't get jobs just cause i'm on file, and just for the record, the worst i ever did was writing in books and zines, doing exhibitions and concerts, plus attending a few rallies that didn't ask for permission in advance, and that was way before 9/11
Excellent post Ren.
Well said. If only more people would pay attention to your powerful words.
Hm, yeah. Being aware is good. On the other hand, it hasn't made me change what I would do if this wasn't the case.
My picture, name and other information are out there, with full conscious intent. Seeing as how I'm a former Muslim -- and can really expect even an intent to murder me -- perhaps I have a death-wish.
Not really.
The reason I'm open about my identity is because I think not doing it takes away a measure of real-world simulation (which is healthy) from online relations. Also because, knowing someone determined enough could find out anyway, I'd rather out myself up front and not live in fear of what 'they' may do.
Someone could show up at my work tomorrow and say they know me from my blog, and I wouldn't be surprised. I also wouldn't feel threatened, strangely enough.
There is a lot that can be done, but still, we're living in a society where it rarely is done. With millions of people on the internet, it's not very likely to happen to any one of us. If we are truly vulnerable, we should just go into hiding, change our names and stop living. Otherwise, this fear-mongering doesn't make sense, nor does it sound like Ren's usual self who is much more likely to fall prey to an occupational hazard than harmed for her opinions on feminism.
But she just had to face down ugly threats -- that were not very menacing, but ugly nonetheless -- so this is appropriate perhaps.
Speaking of which, I'm almost done reading that alternate reality thread over at Witchy's. Weird shit. And I don't think any of the people involved use their real names and pictures. That's bullshit. That's partly why this is happening. Everyone would feel more accountable for their actions if they were using their real names.
ren, thank you... i'm not sure anyone could have wrote that better. considering. very raw, and that's what we love about you.
That's partly why this is happening. Everyone would feel more accountable for their actions if they were using their real names.
Mm, I dunno about that. I mean, Michelle Malkin and Bill O'Rly use their real names, as do some of the lesser-known but at least as vile Internets personalities.
"Someone could show up at my work tomorrow and say they know me from my blog, and I wouldn't be surprised. I also wouldn't feel threatened, strangely enough."
Apostate, hats off to you for putting yourself out there, but I'm not sure you're allowing for the distinction between your situation and Ren's. You did acknowlege "But she just had to face down ugly threats -- that were not very menacing, but ugly nonetheless -- so this is appropriate perhaps."
I think for someone in Ren's line of work, the threats ARE menacing. Unfairly, but factually, as we're all aware, there is a stigma to sex work, and awareness of ones participation therein could create future career issues. Contemplating going into a particular career from the standpoint of being a paralegal vs a porn star is kind of different, and IMO a valid reason for feeling very menaced by any threat of outing.
If it happened to me online (and it has happened IRL, but luckily the reach was incomplete), even based on past-tense stuff, I would feel similarly.
Belle, maybe you're right. It still mystifies me why people don't use names. I suppose being googled and having your blog come up is not the best thing for some people -- work, and so forth.
Still, it's all very well to say it's wrong to out and threaten people...but that gets us exactly nowhere. People will do bad things and if there's a way to hurt a person who's hated enough, someone will do it. I'm particularly disheartened to see women doing it to each other - and right after seeing it happen, posting about 'taking back the blog.' And I guess I've made an enemy of Witchy by pointing that out, and if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have found this blog, or, in fact, known what radical feminism was. Nor do I have anything against Witchy, except that apparently, group loyalty wins out over principles even with good people.
So it goes. Whatever. Goes to prove my other theory: Women are just as bad as men given the opportunity. If I wasn't such a happy person, I'd get depressed.
Mm, I dunno about that. I mean, Michelle Malkin and Bill O'Rly use their real names, as do some of the lesser-known but at least as vile Internets personalities.
And many of them suffer for it. Malkin (for whatever you may think of her politics) deals with more racism and misogeny than pretty much anyone in the feminist blogging world (pro or anti porn).
http://www.michellemalkin.com/archives/007191.htm
:: humor ::
I suppose it was inevitable. I have been idolizing you and Ren because your attractive, smart, independent, not insane and you can pole dance.
I should have known politics would trip us up.
*sigh*
:: humor ::
Thank you for this post Renegade. Excellent and it feels just like you say.
I am well aware that there is nowhere private on the internet but when someone CHOOSES to blog anonymously that is their right and they should be free to do so without threat or fear.
I had my real name out there YEARS ago when I was working for very public companies. For the last years of blogging I have not posted names, pictures or any details of my family, friends, work, etc. The person who outed me had to look quite hard and with a serious intention to find me.
Anyone who is looking up people's real names, workplace etc for ANY other reason than because of criminal activity is creepy as far as I can see.
People can go on about how I was naive in my first years on the net (and I admit it never crossed my mind that anyone would stalk me or threaten me) but I didn't have a crystal ball and I did not foresee that my blogging would have such an impact on myself let alone on other people!
In some strange way (although it is still raw) now that my enemies have outed me, something that I always feared, I hope that their obsession has been satisfied and there is no more that they feel they need to acheive. Their outing has only served to bring me support and love from my fellow bloggers (including people who are helping me record and report their actions) and a pretty huge swell in readers and attention.
So thank you for writing this. The amazing solidarity that the blog community has shown over this has been inspiring.
Great post.
'Nuff said.
x
Speaking of which, I'm almost done reading that alternate reality thread over at Witchy's. Weird shit. And I don't think any of the people involved use their real names and pictures. That's bullshit. That's partly why this is happening. Everyone would feel more accountable for their actions if they were using their real names.
I tend to agree... although, I have also seen people on the net who use all their real information say some pretty vile shit, too.
I'm a big proponent of transparency. I think it's one of the key featues of the whole social media 'revolution' (hate that word but can't think of a better once since I just woke up) - it's really turning all our accepted ways of acting on their head. The compartmentalization, the shame. That being said, I also understand that some people have very good reasons for being pseudonymous or revealing only partial information. It is important for everyone to understand that the net is not a private forum and anyone can easily be "outed" - but that fact doesn't mean it's ethical for someone to do so out of malice.
apostate: some people do choose closets. maybe it would be nice if no one did, but I don't think people who do do so for lack of courage.
Hell....more people call me Ren, know me by Ren, so on, than by my real name. My parents don't even call me by my real name. Which is odd, since they picked it and all, but, meh, there ya have it...
DD:
Salute, and any time. I hope you're doing well, and damn the haters/stalkers/ect.
Apostate: "And I don't think any of the people involved use their real names and pictures. That's bullshit. That's partly why this is happening. Everyone would feel more accountable for their actions if they were using their real names."
For me, using my real name and even plastering my face all over my blog has been a key in keeping me "me." This technique might not work for everyone, but after a year of writing another blog under a moniker, it was necessary for me.
Note, also, a number of key folks over at the other thread do not have blogs either.
I wonder how this effects their comments also.
It's a dangerous world, full of stupid, violent, hateful people, not all of whom label themselves Republicans or Christian fundamentalists. Of course we should disapprove of violent, hateful behavior, but violent, hateful people know we disapprove and do it anyway. So it goes.
I'm not going to criticize how anyone responds to this fact about the world. If you ("you" in the rhetorical sense) want to try to maintain some degree of anonymity, if you want to moderate the expression of your views to avoid violent or disturbing reprisals, it's not my job to call you wrong. I publish my name, but I don't publish all my personal information, nor do I write about everything I believe.
But I do (of course) have an opinion about the matter.
First, we're all going to die, sooner or later, of something. I know how to protect myself physically, I lock my doors and windows at night, but if someone manages to assault or kill me for my views, well, I'm ok with that. I personally would rather die for what I believe than speak what I believe to be false.
In a more general sense, the strength of any moral conviction is evidenced by what you're willing to sacrifice for it. Again, I'm not saying anyone should have any particular moral conviction, nor am I what anyone should sacrifice. What you believe, and what you're willing to sacrifice for that belief, is an utterly personal decision.
I believe, for instance, that pre-employment drug screening is wrong, even though I don't use drugs (not out of any moral belief but because they make me feel ill). I've sacrificed no small few job opportunities because of this belief. Again, I'm not telling anyone else what to do about drug testing or anything else; I'm merely describing my own beliefs.
I don't disapprove of any level of caution; I reserve "cowardice" only for hypocrisy and deceit, but I do admire courage—although I must say that I admire mostly the courage to uphold beliefs that I agree with; I don't much admire the courage of suicide bombers.
It's of course necessary to condemn harassment, outing, and threats of violence, but it's not sufficient. It'll require courage too. If someone doesn't hire me because of my views on atheism, fuck them: I don't want to work for them. If someone says mean things about me, I'll spit in their eye. If someone publishes lies about me, I'll deny them and call them a liar. If someone harasses me, I'll tell them to try it in person.
And if anyone assaults me or tries to kill me, I'll physically fight back. If they succeed, I'll bear my bruises as a red badge of courage, and if I die, I'll die a martyr for the truth.
barefoot, apostate, ect.
If it was JUST me I was worried about...guess what, a big fat F-You would have been my answer. HOWEVER, it's not "just me". These kinds of situations, it is never "just you". It's other people as well. Someone wants to give ME hell and do whatever because I pissed them off, FINE, but that's rarely the way these sorts of things work. Anyone who does this stuff does so to make someone hurt...and they don't often much care who else they have to hurt to hurt you. So yeah, if it was just me- game on. But I don't much see the right/fair/okay in potentially letting OTHER people suffer for the problems someone has with me. If they run deep enough to resort to a threat, they run deep enough to hurt not just me in the execution thereof.
Get it?
...I mean really, even if the threaten-er said "I would never do so and so to anyone other than you..." its like "well, gee, you fucking threatened me, how the hell do I take you at your word on ANYTHING at this point, hum?"
Yeah, like that would happen and a promise out of a person who would do that would mean shit to me.
Ren, you reacted the only way you could, just like D.D. and K.S. for that exact reason... others are involved and your basic safety.
People who threaten, with either violence or "outing" which is equally a threat of violence. For example, let's say that I am in the witness protection program and using an alias, however someone in my new community is able to uncover information. That alone affords that person a position of dominance and abuse. Ethically they would say nothing, and the scales remain neutral. An unethical person would use that information to threaten and blackmail.... all the while creating more openings for others to invade your privacy.
Anonymous or not, witness protection or not, people know what they are doing when they threaten and stalk, they are chipping away at the most private sense of security a person can have... for themselves and their loved ones.
Stormy knew what she was doing, she feels justified and even righteous about it. Belle made that point very succinctly, and just like any other kind of violence.... it's going to take a lot of people to stand up to make it stop. Ren, I'm sorry I did not weigh in over.... a little late to that party so to speak. But for those of you who did, thank you.
(for what it's worth, even if the information is something that is already "out there" that does not give you permission to use it... for example, when I was in real estate my business cards had my first and last name as well as my cell phone number and address. one of my stalkers got all of that just off a card he found in one of my houses and used that to find out whatever he could about me and violate me with threats, a sane person does not do that.... a disturbed person does)
Ren, I do get it. I didn't, for instance, start blogging until my kids were grown and living their own lives.
I don't disapprove of your actions. It's your life, your blog, and it's none of my business who you do and do not criticize. There are things I myself believe that I don't talk about because I don't want to take the heat for them—and things I don't criticize because I don't think any of my business to say anything publicly, regardless of my opinion.
I'm just sayin', though, (more apropos of the "take back the blogs" meme than any of your own actions) that in the larger scheme of things, effecting any sort of social change requires a degree of courage, because many of those vested in the status quo will protect their interests with vitriol and violence.
...I mean really, even if the threaten-er said "I would never do so and so to anyone other than you..." its like "well, gee, you fucking threatened me, how the hell do I take you at your word on ANYTHING at this point, hum?"
Yeah, like that would happen and a promise out of a person who would do that would mean shit to me.
yup.
100% agree, Ren. Any threats of this kind are beyond the pale, rude, and wrong.
That's partly why this is happening. Everyone would feel more accountable for their actions if they were using their real names.
Deoridhe IS my name, or at least one of them. I answer to it offline, even (people with gorgeous Irish accents preferred). I've used it for over a decade. That is is only tenuously linked to my offline, legal identity seems a footnote more than anything else, at least to me, and is something I've done for so long that it's all but second nature to me.
I wouldn't out my address or enough information to find me out on th e'net anymore than I would walk around with my telephone number drawn on my forehead. The internet isn't private; it is and has always been a very public sphere.
From what I've seen, simply having an email address people can find leaves one open for abuse and harrassment. 8/ Legal names need not apply. Those women I know who have gone public through one means or another have usually just had to deal with a bunch of men with the mental age of 12 commenting on their appearance and ignoring any semblance of evaluating any woman by any other means.
Though, for what it's worth, the image used for me blogwise is a drawing of me that I colored.
apostate said:
"Belle, maybe you're right. It still mystifies me why people don't use names. I suppose being googled and having your blog come up is not the best thing for some people -- work, and so forth."
That's exactly why I don't use my real name for a lot of what I write on the internet. Its not like I'm truly anonymous, though – my real identity is only a few clicks away on my blog or Wikipedia homepage. That's quite deliberate, and not an oversight on my part.
yeah, it's a balance. like, i'm listed in the phone book, but with an initial instead of my first name. Why? Less likely to be targetted by random obscene phone callers. It's not meant to be an absolute safeguard against anyone knowing what my damn name is. It's just, why make it easy for 'em?
Hey RenEv,
Thank you for the heads up. I'm about to go public with my own blog, and your post was and is *invaluable* in terms of warning others about privacy violations as a result of blogging. I'll be sure to be awake and aware...
I had also read on your blog about how someone almost succeeded in hitting you with an Escalade and then proceeded to name-call you!! This is ASSAULT, and it's fucking wrong! *Thank you* for having the guts to reveal what had almost happened to you, and most of all *THANK YOU* for standing tough and continuing your blog!
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