this is hard...

Okay, I will say right now I am probably not going to be able to due this issue justice. I’ll try, best as I can, but I just know it’s not going to be right, be what it should be or what I want it to be, and worst of all, what it should be. But I am gonna try anyway.

Every once in awhile, BfP comes around and slaps some sense into my head. Black Amazon probably has a sense slapping stick with my name on it sitting in a corner of her room somewhere…and it’s needed, because often times while I do take on the issues surrounding sex work, and yep, even class (because face it, those are two I am more familiar with) often times I neglect race…which is often the biggest issue of them all.

Truth be told, in the Deni/Prostitute case in Philly…I had not read anywhere, in any of the news reports, that the survivor was black. I knew she was a single mother, I knew her age, I knew where she advertised, but rarely was her race mentioned.

This does not surprise me. Well, as I said already, nothing about this case surprises me.

I am familiar with the city of Philadelphia. It’s a strange place, and though called the City of Brotherly Love, it often times does not live up to the moniker. Philly is notorious for it’s lack of support systems for the economically disadvantaged; it’s bellow the surface racism and anti-gay sentiments. Face it, in a lot of ways, Philly has a bad rep, and it’s somewhat warranted.

And what we have here is a White Female Judge, who makes a whole lotta money, who has all sorts of advantages, Treating a Black Female who does not have that money, or those advantages like a subhuman piece of garbage. And it is so not an isolated incident. It is also bullshit. This whole thing reeks of the snotty upper-class white lady turning up her nose at the dirty, unseemly single black mother hooker. A woman who does, probably has to do, things that the Refined Judge herself has never had to consider doing, would never considering doing, because she has advantages in life this other woman did not. And yet, she sits in judgment over her, and passes down judgment that is far more reaching than in a legal capacity.

I may be a relatively happy whore, but I’m not blind. I watch the news. I read. I see things in media…and I also see the real thing amid real sex workers. I wonder, yes indeed, if the sex worker in this case had been white, or married, with some bit of privilege, if Judge Deni’s verdict would have been different. I wonder if the Judge had been able to look at this woman and identify with her in some way if her verdict would have been different.

I wonder, if, there were more PoC’s sitting on benches in the legal system if things would, here, there and everywhere, be a little different. Well yes, I think they would be. I wonder if people didn’t carry around this mental image of a hooker in their heads if things would be different. I wonder if this woman had been white if things would be different…

Yes, I think they would be. In her case, and in countless other similar ones. Yeah, I think if this sexworker had been white, things might have been different. If she had come from money, I think it would have been different.

And it does really fuck with my head and I don’t know what to say or do except say what I say and do what I do…

Okay, the women in HIPS, the ones who really get things done? The ones who keep shit running and are there, all the time? Most of them are former sex workers, of all levels, and black. They know things and see things that my pretty dang white generally stripper porno making ass doesn’t. And you know what? I think I am fortunate that they accepted me into their group. I am fortunate to be able to learn from them, to hear what they have to say, to work with them to help Other Sexworkers…and you know, sure, occasionally I get the “Oh look, it’s the white girl” look…but you know what? That’s okay. That look is warranted. After all, what reason do any of these women have to trust me? To think, upon first impressions, that I am not just like Judge Deni? I have to prove that. I should have to prove it. After all, it’s not like the world in general or a justice system characterized by Judge Deni does anything for these women except give them reasons to be skeptical. It would be nice to say, “We’re all sisters in Sex Work” or something, but that’s not the way it is. If I get raped and beaten on the job, while I wouldn’t probably go to the law because then you just end up getting raped and beaten again, I could hire a pretty decent lawyer. I have the advantage of walking into a courtroom as a pretty dang white looking girl. Sure, these days my Very Eastern European Name might not help me much, but I bet my blue eyes would. Those pieces of paper on my wall, even though I really had to work to get them, well, I bet they would help me too. Having things, by whatever means, that I have that other women don’t have would probably help me…chief among them, my skin color. And that is fucked up. Really fucked up. I’m doing the same things these women are doing, after all, and justice is supposed to be blind.

I guess someone forgot to tell Justice that. I hope the yelling over this make her hear something. But there has to be more.

And I’m sort of a loss here…but I am willing to listen and learn. In short, people with the sense slapping sticks…I do want to help, and I understand you have no reason to trust, want, or even need my help or allience….but if you do? I’m listening, because this is such miserable, amazing, bullshit.

Dammit (and yes, I know I sound like the upset simplistic four year old here, but), it’s not fair. And that really, really upsets me, a whole lot.