Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum

Yeah, it’s a porn title. It’s also the way it appears a lot of older, wiser, and more radical feminists look upon those pesky sex positive idiots. Now, this begs a lot of questions in my head for a few reasons, but first and foremost, how are you defining your terms here? Young? What constitutes young? Under 40? Under 30? Under 25? The same age you figure most women in the sex biz are? College aged? Younger? I mean, who are these young women corrupting the movement? I mean, I generally consider a woman under 30 to be a “young woman”, but for some reason, I figure when various folk discuss those sex positive girls who are all “empowerful” with their lean, fit bodies, eyeliner, diets, heels, and wild sex lives who apparently know jack and shit about life, themselves, the world, the pat, men, or anything else of import, they are picturing even younger women…late teens and twenty-something’s, but then again, I don’t know, because no one has actually defined the age line divide between “stupid young sex positive” and “wizened real feminist”.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret here, a great many of the sex positives out here in bloglandia, that Universally Loathed gang of thugs whose comments rarely see daylight in certain sectors and inspire countless rants on “what’s wrong with the movement?” You know…us? Not all that young. I mean, I’m far closer to 40 than 20, 36 to be exact. Most of the other infamous sex-poxes seem to be anywhere between late twenties and fifty, actually. We’ve done some living, seen some shit, worked and related out there in the really real world. Some of us have probably seen shit that would make you cry, puke, run screaming, or all of the above. Some of us are het, some are bi, some are gay, some are trans. Some single, some partnered, or married, and some have kids. Some are upper class, some middle class, some working class, and in we come in every shade and color. So yeah, me, 36 and not getting any younger woman (not girl, woman) who is still doing just fine in a business you assume chews women like me up and spits us out once we hit thirty, ala Logan’s Run, well consider me real curious on what constitutes a “young feminist” in your heads? Because I’m pretty sure, by any definition, I don’t so much count as young anymore…I mean, my “Barely Legal” days are long gone and in pornspeak (which y’all seem to love) I am now in “Milf” territory, as are a great many of the other sex positive feminists I know. In and out of the sex industry.

Oh, and check your ageism while your at it. It’s unbecoming on you. It makes you look…ignorant.

Or, all things considered, are y’all just trying (smirk) to be polite and using the term young in place of other, less flattering words such as dumb, blind, ignorant, inexperienced, deluded and foolish? Sure, it’s a common tactic to use “youth” as a catchall for all those other words, but as we all know…age doesn’t always equate to wise, worldly, or enlightened. In fact, age often has nothing to do with it. The amount of living and experience a person has is not always reflected by the number of years they’ve been walking around on this earth, the number of lines on their face, or the way they choose to dress and adorn themselves…or who, how, when, or why they fuck.

Hehehe, you knew we’d get there sooner or later, right? The appearance and fucking issues? Well of course we would, because that’s what it all seems to come down to in so many ways. The older wiser feminists have it all figured out, have the ins and outs of appearance related issues down to a fine art and the politics of fucking mastered with the ease of a Machiavellian student. Because they are older and wiser and smarter or something. They know! They have seen! They long ago put away childish things! And it pains them, akin to torture, to see all these sex positive feminists co-opting and corrupting the movement, what with their heels and work out routines and short skirts, their “perky tits”-real or fake- and their eyeliner and lipstick. And oh yes, with all that sex talk! Who they’re banging, when they're banging, how they're banging- in such unfeminist ways! Engaging in BDSM and power dynamics and rough sex or even just plain old PiV intercourse with one or more people…gah…sometimes male people! With their blowjobs and anal sex and condom drives! With their ambivalence towards or even more dreadful, their support of, pornography and bondage art and alternate lifestyles.

Gads, maybe if those tramps would just stop fucking and worrying about their selfish orgasms maybe, just maybe, they would grow up and see the error of their ways and become real feminists and stop fucking up the movement, right?

Right?

Smirk. Hate to break it to you, but hell, not even all us sex positives have sex. Some are women in menopause, or have other reasons for not boinking like the drunken party girl bunnies you make us all out to be. Some of us see our sexuality as a very huge part of our female being. Oh, and we do see it as ours. Some of us look at all the window dressing as not only something we enjoy, but a damn good way- much like plumage in nature- to attract someone we are attracted to and want to fuck…solely because we want to fuck them! Because fucking feels good! Hell, maybe we are way less concerned with our own choices, made as adults, in regards to appearance and sexuality than you are! Maybe not every choice we have to make has to be a feminist one…especially if it denies us our own voices and opinions, our pleasures and our individuality, our sense of expression and a very real and large part of ourselves, or in one old sex poxes case, the way she happily makes a living. Maybe there is more to us as people than a cause. And hell, maybe the fact that we’ve not felt burned by men, or society, or the pat, or sex plays a little bit into it…Hell, no one else was gonna say that, so I figured I better.

And maybe, we’ll never coming crying to you so you can pat us on the head and say “I told you so”, because maybe, just maybe, no experiences are universal, and what applies to you does not apply to us, maybe it never will, and maybe that makes you no better, wiser, or correct…

Maybe it just makes us different. Thank god, goddess, and all the minor deities. Because I sure as hell could not live that way. I’ve gotten naked for and or fucked more dudes than most people can imagine, for fun and for money, I get degraded and screwed on film regularly, by choice. I’ve willingly cut up my body to have it look a way I not only find more attractive but is more man approved ™ , I wear heels even if they do hurt sometimes, I’ve lived and worked in absolute hell-holes, I’ve cleaned someone else’s blood and cranial fluid out of my carpets, and I would take all of that, the good and the bad, to the smug, condescending, grim desperation y’all seem to offer: a world where men are the absolute enemy, we’ve already lost the war, plans are things that exist in some nebulous place, and anyone who admits to liking conventional girly shit, unapproved sexual practices, or being attractive to the gender she is attracted to is a traitor and one day, will be up against the wall! Or, oh wait, she’s a deluded victim who cannot make choices or operate autonomously and one day, she will by crying on your shoulders…and then, and only then, will she have repented sufficiently and be allowed her own persondome.

And here’s another clue for the wise and enlightened and not deluded “old women”… Being a sex positive ain’t all about the sex. It’s often about the positive. As in, the glass is half full kind of way. Optimistic. Hopeful. You know…positive?

And that’s what you’re lacking. Nah, we’re not all fun and games all the time. There are things we take seriously. I think I dished on that once before. But even I can only be so grim. I don’t think feminism is about some women telling other women how to dress, alter or adorn their bodies, how to earn a living, or who and how to fuck. I never have. Choice goes beyond abortion and all. And you know what else? I have yet, in all my deluded, fuck-obsessed years, to see any sex positive telling you how to dress, adorn yourselves, what jobs to have, or who and how to fuck. Imagine that? Most of us have overbearing elder figures in our lives, and didn’t come to feminism to find new ones. We came because we thought it was something positive.

And still do. No matter how much you’ve corrupted that.

So call us what you want: Sex Poxes, Fun Feminists, Fuck-Me Feminists, Traitors, whatever. Point is, no matter how young, dumb, and full of cum you make us out to be, how clueless and treacherous and blind, the truth is we’ve seen what you have to offer, and as adult women with forethought, intelligence, and agency, chosen something else. The sex-positive alternative.
And I suspect that stings. Just a little.


My advice? Rub a little dirt on it, you’ll feel better, and don’t leave the light on or the door open, because we’re big girls, and we won’t be home later.