“Please, anyone can do what you do…”

It’s a sentiment expressed often, by a variety of people, when discussing sex work…the theory that anyone can do it. I can’t tell you in how many ways and from how many people I have heard that very sentiment expressed- from feminists to religious right folk, from average janes and joes, from people far and wide, in meatspace, in blog world, in random readings. People think, many do anyway, that anyone can do it. I’ve heard people assert that so long as you are breathing (and once I had a commenter assert that wasn’t even necessary to work in my industry) you can do it, I’ve had people say that it’s not like you have to have a brain to do sex work, any person with a body and an IQ over 70 could do it. I’ve heard it said that only stupid, fucked up girls do it because they can’t do anything else so they end up using their bodies. Anyone can shake their tits and ass. Anyone can sell those things. Face it, when it comes to the “anyone can do what you do for a living” screed, I’ve heard it all.

Woo, and guess how wrong so many people are!

Sure enough, on the most basic of levels, pretty much anyone can take of their clothes. Most people can even fuck. That doesn’t mean they can get paid for it, and even getting paid for it, it most certainly doesn’t mean they can get paid well for it.

And seeing as I am feeling harsh and real sick of the dismissive, snot ass better than thou way I see sex workers getting treated, slandered, discounted and insulted, I figure I might as well write about what it really takes, and how no, not anyone can do it. Tact filter off, fee-fee consideration off, brutal honesty on. Got your tissues (for crying or that horrible wanking)? Good then, let’s roll!

Stripping:

Sure enough, almost every human in the world is capable of taking their clothes off. All of them do it at some point for various reasons- to bathe, have sex, change, so on so forth. But stripping is more than taking off ones clothes…and a key here that eliminates “anyone” from being a stripper? People have to want to pay to see you naked. If one wants to be a stripper, and make money, people need to want to part with their hard earned cash to see you bare as can be. So one, "anyone", could you get naked in a room full of people, many of whom you don’t know, and two, would anyone pay to see it? Because yes, while there are exceptions to the rule…looks do matter. A lot. So, “anyone”…are you, oh, under a size 10, and 10 is being really generous…regardless of how tall you are or what sort of build you have? Under a size 4 is better. Are you proportionally built, in an almost perfect way? Or, perhaps, with disproportionately large tits? Are you toned, streamlined, relatively free of cellulite, extremely noticeable scars, and stretch marks? Are you willing to put in the work, via diet, exercise, or surgery to get and stay that way? Are you under 40? Under 30 is better. In fact, early to mid twenties is prime in most cases. Do you have long hair? It need not be blonde, but long hair is a selling point. Are you willing to remove body hair, even from very sensitive areas? Are you fit? As in, able to dance, and do tricks, and shake it, without ending up winded after three minutes? Can you actually dance? How you move can be as important as how you look. Can you give “the gaze” to a customer; make him feel like if for only a moment, he is the only man in the world, regardless of how he looks or acts? Can you spin, kick, twirl, slide, slither, do pole tricks, do chairs tricks, do cage tricks, do the splits, do a handstand and make this all appear graceful and effortless…in shoes with a minimum of a 5 ½ inch heel? Are you ready, willing and able to see that your nails, toe nails, body, hair, costumes and make up are as close to perfectly maintained as possible? No? Then sorry “anyone”, you couldn’t be a stripper, based on that alone. You need not fit all of these qualifications, but if you want to take off your clothes and make money doing it…you better have a majority of them.

And that’s just the physical. Let’s move on, shall we? Can you mess around with a girl you don’t know that well at all or perhaps don’t even like? Can you look at a man, who might be very unattractive, or rather drunk, or have B.O., or be as obnoxious as hell, and smile, give “the gaze” and give him a lap dance? Can you turn up the charm and get all sorts of fellows to buy drinks, tip better, buy privates, and cough up the cash for a show in the VIP? Can you not only-at worst- ignore a dudes hard on through his pants (often made of the thinnest material he can think to wear), or at best, grind on it? Can you chat up strangers comfortably and convincingly? Can you, if working in house and not in a club, steel yourself to walk into a room where it is likely that you will be the only woman in the place, and you will be naked, with minimal or no security? Can you establish some sense of order in such a situation? Can you- wherever you might be dancing- ignore, or deflect the comments that will come about your body, your brains, and your status as a human being? Can you do this without crying? Can you take a very personal insult without breaking? Can you put up with countless personal questions? Often lewd and totally inappropriate propositions or suggestions? Can you, through your looks, your moves, your wiles, your conversation, get a guy to see you as the only person there, and empty his wallet…maybe run on over to the ATM machine? Can you, depending on where you work, deal with a man, a stranger, touching you? Actually, this will happen wherever you work, but in some places it is allowed. Can you deal with his hands on your legs, your back, maybe your tits or ass? Can you do all of this while keeping track of your money? Can you deal with other dancers getting in catfights, or trying to steal your shit-everything from costumes to money? Can you smile, be sexy, act like you’re having a wonderful time when you are sick, or tired, or have sore muscles, or are on the rag? Can you deal with bruises from the pole? Oh, yeah, could you do a toy show? A shower show? A two-girl show? Masturbate and convince whomever your doing it for that you are enjoying it and getting off, whether you are or not? Do you know how to, via natural savvy and experience earned wisdom, determine if a crowd is just having rowdy fun or actually dangerous? Can you work odd, often long hours? Not get home on some occasions until the sun is coming up? Lose out on hanging out with friends/family on weekend nights? Can you be your own accountant, promotional specialist, tax adjustor? Can you put up with all the bullshit, assumptions, stereotypes and other assorted crap people will throw at you? No? Then sorry “anyone”, you couldn’t be a stripper. Because there is a hell of a lot more to it than shaking your tits and ass.

Next!

Pornography:

True enough, like taking off one’s clothes, most people can fuck too. And while there is more leeway within porn, looks matter too. I mean would people be willing to pay to see you fuck? Well, unless you are going for a niche market (goth/punk girl, BBW, mature woman) well, those body requirements for strippers, unless you have something really special or unique about you? They pretty much apply. So, if people are not willing to pay to see you fuck, sorry, anyone, you can’t do porn…or at least not do it and get paid for it. Oh, and there is way more to it than lying there and getting fucked too. Ernest talked about what it’s like for the men. But yeah, not as easy as it looks there, “anyone”. Before doing porn, there is body maintenance that goes on. Like stripping, you have the shaving, the hair, the makeup, all that good stuff. You also have douches, and if doing anal- which hey, if you want to go anywhere in porn, you better at least do anal- the enemas, the use of plugs, the fasting prior to a shoot. Things like that. Nothing will mess up the mood and flow of a porn shoot quite like an accident involving excrement (unless, of course, you are doing scat porn-ahem, a niche market). All that aside, could you get naked and fuck someone you don’t even know, or have just met, or barely know? Someone you might not be attracted to? How about more than one someone? Could you do this with other people like sound guys and lighting guys and a director in the room and oh yeah, these people will usually be dudes. Can you fake an insane orgasm? If actually having an orgasm, can you concentrate enough to make it a porn worthy outrageous orgasm? Can you take getting seriously pounded? Can you take getting seriously pounded in the ass? Can you take getting seriously pounded in the throat? I mean, even the most gentle of porn films usually has at least a little hardcore pounding. Can you look good doing this? Can you be patient, mellow, and understanding while lights are adjusted, cameras are dealt with, erections are achieved, maintained, lost, and re-achieved? Can you do this while waiting in the reverse pile driver position? Hell, can you get into half the positions? Can you hold these positions for any length of time? Can you maintain those positions while getting fucked? With a camera dude and a light right up in there? Can you pretend they aren’t there? Can you keep the pace without getting winded or collapsing? Can you smile when you take a cumshot? And that’s just the basics…could you handle that, “anyone”? How about m/f/f threesomes? M/M/F threesomes? Gangbangs? Spanking? Name calling? Spiting? DP? Double vag? Double anal? Bondage? Hair pulling? Woo, “anyone”…how about ass to mouth? Could you do that “anyone”? No? Then don’t talk about how anyone can do it.

And that’s just the physical! Can you remember lines? Can you broker and negotiate your fees, your do’s and don’ts, with or without an agent? Can you promote yourself, and, once again, be your own accountant and taxman? Can you act like you love it even when it’s not all that great? Can you deal with directors, and other performers? Can you handle the fact that one day, your parents, neighbors, friends, associates, future employers, kids, whatever, might see your work? Can you maintain a relationship with a Significant Other, or even just other people? Can you fuck with or without condoms hoping to god, goddess and all the little deities that whomever’s seemingly squeaky clean test results are truly that? Hell, can you suck dick with a condom on period? Can you deal with the stigma, the assumptions, the stereotypes, the names, the bullshit out of other people? Can you “anyone”? No? Then sorry, “anyone”, you probably wouldn’t make it in porn.

And now for good old fashioned Whoring…

So, anyone, could you fuck for money? Could you fuck strangers you might not find attractive for money? Could you do it in often-strange places with no security? No? Can you smile and coo and act like you’re having the time of your life when some sweaty, unattractive man is pawing your tits and lamely trying to fuck you and asking you if its good or if you’ve cum? No? Then no, not “anyone” can do it.

Looks actually matter the least here, but guess what, to do it, and make money at it, people still have to want to pay to fuck you. If they don’t, sorry, “anyone’, you’re out of the business. You also have to be good enough at what you do to have people pay you for it, perhaps keep coming back to you for it. Pretty basic, really.

Now, see all of that mental skill/social skill stuff applied to the other aspects of the industry? Most of it also directly applies to prostitution, only double the bullshit…with the added wrinkle of prostitution being illegal in a great many places, so you can add the stress of fear of being arrested in there, along with the knowledge that if you are robbed, beaten, raped, or even murdered, well, most people won’t give a fuck and it’s likely the law won’t do shit. Real easy, eh, “anyone”?

So really, the next time anyone says “anyone” can do sex work, I think it’s my turn to say put your money where your mouth is. If you think it’s so easy, and requires nothing more than a pair of tits, an ass, and some holes, why don’t you give it a shot and see how well you do…that is, of course, assuming “anyone” has the physical prerequisites to get in the door in the first place. Until then, “anyone” is free to kiss my pornified ass. Free of charge.