It’s a common sentiment. I see it, hear it, read it, everywhere. Conversations about women in sex work, women’s views on sex, sex in general, politics, sexual politics…well, pretty much anything and everything having to do with sex and the industry built around it. And yeah, occasionally plain old politics. I see, and hear, and read, and sooner or later, when the generalizations and intentional or unintentional assumptions, or stereotypes, or theories, or whatever become too thick, I say, some way or another…“????”
The response, ever so often: “We don’t mean you, Ren.”
And it sort of leaves me wondering…in my X amount of years in the sex biz, in any place I’ve worked in it…have I just been surrounded by an unusually motivated, intelligent, self-realized and self-sufficient gang of sex workers, or are people setting their generalizing and theorizing a little…low? Sure, I’ve met girls who dance looking to land a big Mr. Fish; I’ve worked with girls who are more interested in partying than The Future (hardly a trait limited to sex workers though, I might add). I’ve met single moms who only do it because it is the quickest way to get money in the pocket. But I’ve also met a ton of women with “A Plan” (Sweet Krishna YES, a PLAN!), either within the sex industry or for life after it. Pretty much every sex worker at Sex 2.0? Savvy people with plans, diverse interests, talents, prospects. The SWOP and BnG crew? Have their shit together. A lot of the women I work with? Yep, dancing while getting degrees, or, looking to follow in the footsteps of our fearless boss lady…a dancer turned agency owner. One of the escorts I know? Just bought her own bar. The indy web porn girls? Fucking on film while learning web design and editing. And sure, some of them started young…18, 19. A lot of them don’t last long. True enough, the turnover is high…but if they last…say, oh, to 22, 23, 24? Usually, any illusions they may have held about Mr. Fish have gone out with the riptide and a plan has been put in place. Capitalism and thoughts of early retirement have grown in the wake of fanciful notions. Liz, a particularly good looking and savvy gal who works for the same company I do and dances several shifts a week in a club? She clears anywhere between 75,000 and 100,000 a year. She’s frugal; she works hard, and often, and has been doing so since she was 18. She’s 24 now, and plans to buy into a club at around 30 and more or less retire. There is no Mr.Fish or little fish in the picture. And those of us who do it for the love of the game?
Well, at 36 I’ve only had one surgery, and yep, thanks in no small part to genetics and in part to the fact that well, yeah, I do spend time and energy on keeping the bodily assets up to snuff, I really don’t plan on living the biz any time soon. That, more than anything, is what makes me a little more rare. Not the plans, not the other options, not drive or any of that other stuff…what makes me different is I don’t really want to be doing anything else. I don’t do it to finance something else (though, nicely enough, it has), I don’t do it thinking solely of how much I can bank before I can get out with a nice cushion. I do it because I like doing it. I play for the love of the game. And sure, I am sort of the senior sportsman in my set…other girls are investing in college, or tummy tucks, or tit jobs, or business training…I have my degrees, my tummy is fine, and...ok...I’d get another tit job…but Botox is on my agenda. Not only because I want to continue to command the fees I can right now…but because I love the work. This is my business. Yeah, I have back up plans in place, things I can fall back on, so on, so forth, but I don’t like thinking about them, because I love what I do right now more than any other job I’ve ever done or any other job I’ve ever pondered doing and thus, I plan to stay in it as long as possible. In some aspect of it anyway. I mean hell; there is a reason I bought up part of the boss lady’s agency. I figure she might be ready to cash out when I’m ready to quit dancing. And yeah, you can bet your ass and some snakeskin boots I’m thrilled with the popularity of MILF porn…
So, in saying “we don’t mean you, Ren…” well, I think maybe that is where the phrase fits. Not with the plans, or the drive, or the other options, or any of that other stuff…but perhaps with the notion I really wish I didn’t need any of those things…because I’d like to do this for life. Most of the sex workers I know? A hell of a lot smarter and more driven and diversified than people ever seem to want to give them credit for.
8 comments:
Sure, I’ve met girls who dance looking to land a big Mr. Fish
I googled "Mr. Fish," wondering if it was a phrase that was common somewhere, and got this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Fish
Mr. Fish was once an ordinary human being, a petty crook who stumbled upon some stolen radioactive material while on a job. The exposure made him dizzy and caused him to fall into the East River. When he emerged, he had been mutated into an amphibious fish-man with enhanced strength.
Some girls have interesting taste in men.
Nice pic. One of my favorites.
I don't know if anyone who is excepting you means to ONLY except you.
I've certainly worked with some motivated, creative sex workers as well, who had plans.
It's interesting that most of these plans, as well as the ones you mention, have to do with exit strategies rather than internal promotion opportunities. It would be ideal, I agree, for those who love the work to have more opportunities to do it for longer periods.
It's unfortunate that while some sex workers are situated such that by the time they hit the stage where "any illusions they may have held about Mr. Fish have gone out with the riptide and a plan has been put in place," it's often not easy to put one in place that's solid. Sure, it's possible. Not quite fair to say that's the norm, though. Quite a few on either side of that divide.
Also, since few people high-five to low-six figures aren't able to retire at 30, I would imagine that few sex workers could either. Perhaps I'm just not as thrify.
In any case, personally, none of my cautions reduce any of my admiration and respect for you and the many other sex workers with their shit very much together and their illusions guided with a firm hand.
octo- depending on where you live, high five to low six is A LOT of money...may not go far in CA, Vegas, DC....but in West Virginia, a whole lot of Florida, various other places? That is DAMN fine money.
True. Does twelve years of it really create a 35-year income stream, though, esp if kids are in the picture? Methinks there would need to be some supplementary work, or a much friendlier market than our current one.
octo- I'm not saying one could retire and never work again...but compair earnings with, oh, other jobs a student her age might have..waitress? Retail? or even starting out in a straight job in todays market? It's not perfect, never said otherwise....but for a young twenty something, especially one with no kids and some sort of back up plan...its damn good money. I don't know too many people, male or female, under 30 who clear six figures.
I certainly agree on that.
The problem with the "we don't mean you" bullshit is that ITS NEVER YOU, or anyone in specific; there is no pool of literature or school of thought to draw on, no book or anything (well, your blog maybe!) that starts someone out: "How to be a sex worker, what to watch out for, who to network with" and all like that. Women sort of "end up" in it, and if they like it they stay in it. But as the Witchy crowd likes to say, no one is raised thinking they will do it.
But perhaps if women sensibly knew it was an option, like re-financing their house or driving a truck (other stuff they never expected to do), then there would be more information on options available. Like, money market funds, deferred comp and such. I know one sex worker who wishes she had invested wisely, but that kind of info (like on 401Ks, etc) was simply not available to her when she started.
Like weed or whatever, when a business is ILLEGAL, people just suffer and can't reap the benefits of the capitalist system that I keep hearing about... one reason I think that system largely sucks. They don't want to level the playing field and let more folks (especially women) in, they want to keep the goodies to themselves.
As both Democratic candidates are saying right now, with no health insurance, one catastrophic illness and we're toast. (And guess who doesn't have any health insurance? WHY FUCKING NOT? Illegal status of the job, among other reasons.)
One reason I am angry at the feminists who want to keep sex work illegal, is that they are hanging their sisters out to dry in just this fashion. Health insurance for everyone but... THOSE WOMEN!
there is no pool of literature or school of thought to draw on, no book or anything (well, your blog maybe!) that starts someone out: "How to be a sex worker, what to watch out for, who to network with" and all like that.
Actually there is: http://www.theinternetescortshandbook.com/notebook/
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