What about the men...

“Men” in this instance meaning male sex workers, like those in Chicago at DA:PBS, like that fellow standing there with me, a guy who goes by the name Jack. Jack was one of the first people I met up there in Chicago. Wednesday evening, after I got to the hotel and had a late dinner with Amber and Dacia, I ran into Jack, Serpent, V*, Tara & R*, and the group of us went to my new favorite hole in the wall neighborhood bar in the world, the L&L Tavern, where we had a drink, all got to know each other, so on. Later on, the other folk departed, and Jack and I decided to head down to an after hours club, where we hung out, talked about life, sex work, and all kinds of stuff. You know, it was a lot like what other people do, chat work, relationships, cool people and places, experiences, observations…things people talk about, we just happened to be in a unique line of work. We also both, self-admittedly and everything, generally love our jobs, even with the bad stuff. I liked Jack a lot. Friendly, smart, witty, cultured and pleasantly devious, generally a whole lot of fun to hang out with.

But as time went on in Chicago, something became apparent to me. Like me, in sex work, Jack has some privilege. He’s white and conventionally attractive. He has other skills and talents. He has a roof over his head. And, as I learned in talking and listening to other male sex workers, Jack has other advantages as well it seems. Now I’m pretty short, but I think you can tell that while thin, Jack isn’t a small guy. He comes across in ways probably deemed much more traditionally or conventionally masculine than many other male sex workers. And sure enough, Jack says he’s never really had a whole lot of strife or violence in the course of his job…and sure enough, I believe him.

But in listening to some of the other fellows there, also sure enough, the experiences of the men at the event were just as diverse as anyone else’s. Some of the men there presented on a panel about men in sex work, and it was interesting to hear the similarities and the differences; they are subject to violence, rape, harassment, outing, discrimination and all those good things just like the gals, but often times, they suffer the (presumed obvious) double stigma of being homosexual, they usually make less money for their work, it’s often assumed that no men are forced or coerced into sex work, and when they get hurt, robbed, raped…well, they really take it in the chops then. Male sex workers? Some people don’t think men can be raped at all. Some people don’t think sex workers can be raped at all. Even more people do not think male sex workers can be raped at all. When they do report it, they get asked why didn’t they fight back? The get told they should’ve just stood up for themselves, or that they should’ve taken it like a man. They get told to suck it up. They get laughed at, and yep, like their female counterparts, they get told they deserved it. And unlike their female counterparts, male sex workers? When it comes to safe spaces and resources and crisis centers and such? They pretty much have nothing at all.

And, as they brought up in their panel, the men aren’t even all that included in sex worker outreach organizations. Even there they are marginalized. Our logos? Geared towards women. Our terminology? Geared towards women. Our “public faces”? Mostly women. When people think of men and sex work, they think of clients, johns, pimps, pornographers. They don’t think of male strippers, or escorts, hustlers or performers. They think of customers, and not those providing the services. They think of victimizers, not victims. Studies done on sex workers? Men are rarely, if ever, considered. Media concern? Also rarely aimed their way. Funding? Nope, they don’t see much of that either. I mean sure, all sex workers tend to be pushed into the shadows, but the men? From the of age guys who choose to do it to pick up some quick cash to the young boys involved in forced sexual labor as a part of the sex tourism trade? These males? They really are often left in the dark.

I’ve written about men and sex work before, as has Ernest wrt to porn, and I’ve generally tried to be inclusive in my language, but after listening to the men in Chicago, I’ve realized that really isn’t good enough. The men in sex work? They face the same shit as us, and a whole raft of their own. So yeah, for starters, I’d like to ask everyone, when writing about sex work…remember “what about the men?”, and not just the pimps, clients, johns and pornographers…but the sex workers too.

Because Jack there, Will over here, and every other one of those guys at the event, and the other guys in the biz they know? Well, they are just as real as any one of the women in the biz…and they deserve some consideration.

*in these posts, if I’ve not asked for permission to use peoples names, I will be using letter designations.